If you haven't already know it or yet to find out.This is it:

PRINCE WILLIAM GOT ENGAGED AND WILL MARRY NEXT YEAR!!!

Like okay, who cares.Who give a damn about him getting married???Okay, yeah I know I do.I don't.I don't.I don't.I don't.I don't.

But you see the point is, it just makes headlines everywhere and you've gotta deal with it. One minute you think it's no big deal and the next you've gotta follow the craze of the crowd. FUTURE KING IS GETTING MARRIED!!!YAY!!YAY!!HOORAY!!

For these few days or so, I reckon I'm gonna have to avoid getting my daily dose of celebrity news.Because Prince William and his future fake bride to be is gonna grace the entire page. I seriously don't get the hype.It's not like they have done something noble enough for the people.And don't even start comparing Kate Middleton with Princess Diana..DON'T!!

I guess I'm gonna stop right here.Cause if I am to go on,I'm worried those FBI people will come get me or something like that.It's a joyous occasion.Let's celebrate people!!

The Rose

Alright this is difficult. Blogging is difficult now.

Things had changed tremendously since my last post.By tremendously, I mean its crucial reform not just change as in minor change.However I do not wish to discuss the details on what actually happened in this entry.Maybe I never will be able to do so.

For the past few weeks or so,I'd this strong urge to blog, to convey my thoughts to just let it flow but I fought hard towards it.The reason being that I'm in the midst of a very VITAL examination.And I'm not done with it just yet.One more paper to go due in 6 days time.Deserve some break!!! Exam or no exam, it actually doesn't makes a lot of difference.I still catch up with my regular episodes of Grey and Gossip and I still manage long long naps. But blogging is a completely different thing.It's akin a virus.It spreads.It's almost like once you start doing it, chances of it turning into a regular regime are high. So I guess better not take that chance!!!

So yeah!!! Besides going to college once or twice a week, I literally spend my days at home either rotting or burying myself in heaps of books.Nerd much.I KNOW!!!
And lately,I've been eating goddamn lot..Like woah..HEAPS to put it. I kept telling myself its okay because its exams and I really need to feed my brain and that it needs to work twice more than it usually does. So more becomes more and more and the fact worsens when I stay at home because mum kept buying and making nice food and forcing me to eat it.Thus the reason why overload of food.Mum never stops asking me to eat nor has she ever tell me to reduce my portion. She's like my food machine constantly giving me food.Man I'm gonna be obese if she keeps doing this.Of course she doesn't mind..Aww how much I love her!!!!

And I've been praying much more than I ever do usually ever since things started changing.It helps. I can feel it.

Last but not least, I've changed.I wouldn't dare say from the previous months but from the previous years,YES I'M A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON NOW!!

I recalled vividly how I used to be really stubborn once upon a time and that no one penetrates through me once I've make up my mind.I'm bold.Yes I am, the evil bold. I scheme and I make sure things go my way.Lol..But that was 6 years back.I recalled how my best friend and I used to come out with devastating schemes to go against people who hold grudges against us.Or rather people we despise.Yes, I'm aware I do sound like those pampered bitchy brats that grunt on every single thing that comes on my way.But 6 years back anyone in my position or my best friend position would do that under the circumstances. I meant its one way of surviving bullies.You can't just stand there and let them strut their stuffs, huh??

But my point is that, we always ensure victory when dealing with people like that. And so its like a seed sown that we always make sure we win in whatever circumstances coming our way.A year later, I left the school and attend national school.People there aren't that bitchy obviously, there's some but they're bearable though...

I guess God is putting me on a test. Fast forward 6 years later which means now, I was put in a situation that if the old me was to handle would lead to something fatal.My then best friend in primary school and of course still is was sort of shocked when I relate to her what actually happen and what I've done.This is definitely not something to be proud of or to be applauded. But I think I've change.Not a lot, at least a bit.And for the better!!!!It's almost like the better half of me conquered my emotions,my mind and feelings and won over those negative thoughts.And when something as heart-wrenching as this happened, all I ever did was just sit down and think and pray for the better and finally I let it go. I let it go completely.There was hardly even an inch of negative thoughts of getting back,revenging and stuff.None I would say. That few days I hear comforting voices that go something like"Pei Zhen, its all temporary.It's gonna be ok.Let it go."!!!

So yeah!!!Long post , I guess.But through it all,I guess I've toughen up.And to conclude I think the best thing that ever happened to me this year is that I've friends that I can still fall back on.Friends that are not judgemental.You know who you are and I swear I will not fail any of you.If there's one value that I gripped on to strongly,its sincerity.Because being sincere is the only way that will show people how much you actually care for them. And being sincere has given me a best friend that I share 14 years worth of my life with and many many more good friends who took the effort to drop by and send their regards.I'm still traumatised to be honest.I know its insane and its cranky and that I actually seem normal from the outside but internally,I'm still picking up myself.I'm trying and I hope I could finally cope..

P/S: If the video thingy works, its The Rose by Westlife and someone sang this song in the 80's but can't quite remember the moniker.This is one of my Westlife favourites and I swear any guy who sing this well enough to me might be on a hike to be my potential boyfriend or future husband.LOL..IM JUST KIDDING.


I'M not weih !!No joke!!

I'm blogging from my iPhone !!!!!

This is pretty cool ..All these times, I thought blogger isn't compatible with iPhone . But somehow it is!!! Woot!!! Heres to more entry from iPhone !!

Let's see what's been happening lately with me!!! School commences a week ago and its pretty hectic- the whole process of getting unfinished work done.I should have seen this coming!!!

I'm gonna make this short, because although I would say that I'm quite good with the iPhone keyboard, it's still funny typing here.

I don't know where this come from. It had always been inside me but many of times I just ignored it and shrugged it off!!!I have this strong urge to fight for woman and children rights . Woman in particular and its spontaneous and random. But I've always wanted to!!

Of family and school

College commences in 2 days time.And that leaves me with an approximate 48 hours or more to catch up with unfinished school assignments and embrace one last bite of fun. This eventually brings me to question the absurdity of getting it done.

The thing about human is that we procrastinate.Not all I would say, but a crowd. And I am definitely not proud to be of the company.The point is that I tried.But my mental will wasn't as strong as I thought. It wasn't rigid, impermeable and bold like I wish it would.To make an analogy, my mental will is akin a permeable membrane, alright maybe semi, allowing the rapid diffusion of all sorts of ideas. Every morning I wake up with a fresh new vow/thought/inspiration which goes like " Alright Pei Zhen, you have 37 accounting questions to finish, an economic assignment to be done, a personal statement which is yet to be completed and an important exam to study for." Each day, I reminded myself  of the things awaiting me and every single time I settled down on my serious table in an attempt to get things moving,  another idea/thought settled upon  my oh so permeable head. And thus, I can't resist the temptations.Hence, that explains how I deviate.

Enough said,I'll get started today.Moving on, last Sunday my cousin got married in a lavish wedding. And weddings as you know are the best time to gather everyone.My uncle flew in from Sabah with his family and another uncle flew in all the way from China with his family and  it was like Chinese New Year again, where everyone gathers in the family home,go for dinners and basically have fun.To mark the occasion, here's some pictures!!!

Maternal side aunties and uncles with their progeny

Left to right: Bro, me,mum & dad <3!!!

And that's basically it...

Humans as we know are extraordinary creature bestowed by God with the ability to speak, have feelings, to walk with two legs, and etc.But the thing about us is that  we complain just too much..Maybe not everyone but there's this circle that complain and complain and complain and keep on complaining. And sadly to say,I belong to this rare bunch..And miserably, I despise it..Not most of the time but at times..

The thing about people who complain too much is that it just get on your nerves.And different people do it in different degree.By 'it',I meant complaining. To rate it on a scale of 1-10, people on a scale of 1 would complain minimally, once in a blue moon and sometimes never.And as you go up the hierachy, it gets worst..It goes from slowly complaining about the weather to getting fussy into tiny and smaller details of everything.And man,its ANNONYING.I would settle on a scale of maybe say 4 or 5 , but that's life..If you don't rant about how pathetic it sounds, it'll be bottled up and this sucks.

Yeah, its kinda hilarious why I'm writing a whole lot about complaining.Because for God's sake, I've been ranting about how mundane my holidays have been and I've got another week to bear. And the thing about certain people is that we continue ranting and we make no whatsoever attempts in trying to curb it. But I don't belong right there.Because I've done every possible thing I imagine. I'd finished almost 2 storybooks, done SUDOKU,read and read, catch up with my royalty news,play,exercise...what else..Alright...yeah......

STUDY...i got it!!

Of fear, Westlife and school!!!

 I reckon its alright to be afraid .

To be afraid of what the future might offer, afraid of  life ten years from now, afraid of circumstances, afraid of dying. Life is engulfed by fear that sometimes gone unnoticed. Fear is everywhere, contagious at times and it's only a matter of how well you hide it.

I, personally fear for what the future might offer me.I always think that people who have their future plan ahead of time,nicely and carefully etched up are just way planning too early. Besides, I've never believe on going according to plans, whats more this is life we're talking about.How can someone plan their life ahead of them and at the same time having such strong faith that adhering to it closely will bring you close to being successful??? To me, life is like a long journey, one that follows through, that need no whatsoever meticulous planning. It's just all about how you live it.

Moving on, I'm currently hooked on Eat, Pray, Love , written by Elizabeth Gilbert.Haven't done reading but guess it's not too bad. And for those of you who haven't already know, I'm so into into into like million trillion times into WESTLIFE..The obsession is getting a little out of hand and I might need help with that soon.But for now, I'm so so crazy over them and honestly I don't remember being so into a singer/actor.The last one being Hilary Duff and the obsession leading to me adopting Hilary as my alternative name..Something new, huh!!!But the craze it's back.Westlife is just different. Somehow when they sing, I feel them.It's not just the melody, its the lyrics , the content and how they just intepret it. And their live performances are just mind blowing..Way way better than the studio recording. It's just a recent hype .I guess I'll get over it soon..Yeah, I will.. And I'm still into royals.

On a more happy note, school's out.This means that bliss, joy and pure freedom for two whole weeks...Woot!! And just so you know, I flunked my exam..Screwed..Total wastage!!! In the meantime, before the results come out..LET'S ENJOY!!!

A quick one

I have 10 minutes in exact to write a short post..That if at the end of the post, I don't change my mind...Trials are due next week..Pretty anxious but shouldn't get out of hand because there's nothing to be excited or jittery of..I knew how I'll fair.

The best part about exams is the two weeks due long holidays that accompany it..That's fantastically fantastic and that part should trigger more excitement and anxiety. My cousin's getting married soon and that's something different this holiday..At least, I don't have to laze around figuring what to do and ranting...

Ok...I'm running out of time...One last thing, I've been a REALLY bad student this whole year..I spent one semester regretting and only started putting in effort the second semester...too late, I guess..I wish I could turn back time...Arghhh...Everyone wishes!!!

Off for tennis

Love,
Zhenny:)

Random 21- Happy Reading

1. Today's the 8th of August and that means I am 15 days away to  trials to be exact..And I literally spent my whole day doing NOTHING close to academics.

2. My books are strewn everywhere on my table and I've no IDEA where to start...

3. Its 12.44 a.m and am currently having a bizarre craving of a good cheese cake..

4. I'm really into the 80's music..I've a special folder created in my Ipod titled country!!!

5. I'm still into royals..the fact never change

6. I REALLY NEED TO STUDY!!

7. I'm writing everything that pops on my head now!!!!

8. I never knew all this while ,my dad send sweet texts to my mum when he's away for work..(:

9. Petula Clark and Olivia Newton John are incredible!!!

10. I finally removed my earring!!!

11. My ears are itchy and I'm trying to resist my fingers anywhere near it!!!

12. I love my friends!!!

13. I'm up for something crazy, something that will give me that amount of rush!!!

14. I feel like playing tennis with a guy...hahha..random but I have someone on my mind now!!!

15. I used to hate accounting but I'm in the process of seeing the wonders behind it..

16. When I solved  a really difficult maths question, I write "WONDERS OF MATHS" or "STUPID" beside the question!!

17. I really need to catch some sleep...

18. I need to lose weight!!!( a joke)

19. I want to dance so badly!!! I'll think about enrolling myself into dance class...

20. Finally, I yearn to indulge myself in real laugh more often...Real laugh  which means laughing till my stomach aches!!!

21. I missed my grandma!! Alright lets not get there!!!!I love her!!!

Queen at Heart

Queen Victoria

- The longest and youngest reigning monarch to date..

Her romance with Prince Albert had been the greatest love story..Trust me..Watch Young Victoria

Queen Elizabeth II

- Present Queen of England

Queen Rania of Jordon

- An inspiration to all woman... Her ingenuity  and thorough commitment in instilling education amongst children and woman is just pure inspiration.

Quote-As you educate a woman, you educate the family. If you educate the girls, you educate the future.

Crown Princess Mary of Denmark

The one and only

Princess Diana

All my life, I've never been really fond of anything in particular. Or I would rather say fancy of something for a reasonable amount of time..And finally I could safely say that I'd discovered one...Take a guess..

Yes!!!!

ROYALTY!!!

Why????Royalties fascinate me in every way...I had always been curious on how they live their lives...and still am curious... !!!! If I was to talk about a royal, let say Queen Victoria, I could go on for hours but let's not get there first...For as much as I adore them, its that generous amount that I'm inspired by a handful of them.

And deep down, its my lifelong fantasy to be one of them..hehhehe...stop dreaming!!!

Pierced!!!

 Everyone once told me that piercing your ears aren't that painful..Indeed piercing is not that painful.In fact to be honest, it wasn't painful at all..When the sound of the piercing gun pierced through the silence, my immediate response was " Yeah, they were right...it's painless!!" For a second or two, I was beaming inside and after that ' WOOSHHH'... The aftermath pain...it was excruciating..!!!! It's not red ants bite like how some people describe it to me...it's way way way way more excruciating then ants biting...It's crucial...

It was tolerable though...but still disturbing pain!!! And now I'm trying to figure out how to turn my earrings...how???? It's not moving and it hurts when I attempted to do so....

Please..no infection please!!!

10 RANDOM POST

1. My eczema is getting from bad to worst. And its worrying my parents a lot, especially my dad  cause

eczema means frequent usage of steroid.

2. It's been a LONG time since I last watched a show that moved me to tears. I spent my evening watching

 My Sister's Keeper..And surprisingly it turned out better than I'd expected. Though I like the book

better..And while we are on the topics of movies, I managed to catch Inception with my classmates last

Friday..A show worth spending 2 hours 30 minutes in the cinema. Extraordinary though I don't really get

fractions of the show..Am planning to watch it again sometime next week!!:)

3. I'd basically wasted my whole Saturday doing NOTHING!!!! And while I always believe that Saturday is

a day for doing something more leisure and relaxing,today its just different.I was literally out the whole

day. But on a more delighted note,I had a really decent dinner with my parents whilst my brother was in his

friend's house...I managed to fill my dad in with current things happening in my life ranging from an array of

topics such as my new friends, studies and a little bit about general stuff.

4. I need GUTS...

5.Trials in 30 days or so, and yet I've done no whatsoever attempts in pushing my oh -so -poor grades  

up!!!!

6. I'm having  very bad cravings for waffles...waffles with cold ice-cream..OMG..this is BAD..especially

when I'm trying shed some pounds now....

7. Tennis is addictive!!!!

8. I missed Sri Lethia...(maybe not so much of the school  but the people in it)

9. I'd depression once a long time ago( to all my new friends who don't know about this)...and I'm not

ashamed of it in any way....and PLEASE AR, I'M NOT SIAO!!!...I have depression because I had very

chronic sleep apnea..I can go on  not sleeping entirely for two or three days.And it's not because I do not

want to sleep but just because I CAN'T!!!

10. I YEARN FOR A REALLY GOOD LAUGH!!!!

TEMPERAMENTAL

1.I'm having a really BAD mood swing now...CHRONIC!!! I rarely have mood swings but yeah, I guess it's
  okay to have it once in a while.

2. On the other note, I should be studying right now with trials approaching in a month or two, and not striding my fingers across the keyboard.Instead ,I'd basically wasted the whole night watching a good episode of Grey's and perusing some really good royalty articles.

3.  And for the first time following the weeks after college commences, I feel vulnerable. I feel like going back to the enjoying college part.. And like I say, I'm having very bad mood swings today and my senses aren't right.

4.  Whilst I'm on the topic of mood swings, I really feel like having few good strokes of tennis NOW!! Right
     now at 10.30 p.m..

5. My knees hurt like hell..the aftermath of playing swift tennis.

6. My eczema palms are getting from bad to worst and I'm going back to steroids.The itchiness and the splitting of the skin is driving me to a frigging POINT!!!

7. My college mates need to start believing that I'm not studying TOO hard. In an attempt to influence them to study, I end up  beingly knowned as the source of stress....hhahah..FAILED PLAN..but it's up to them to believe my motives though.

CONCLUSION: MY LIFE SUCKS.

So yeah!! College commences last week and surprisingly I didn't dread it as much as I reckon I would.That's good, huh.!!! The reason being I'd dropped law unofficially so I spent most of my time in the library either doing maths or catching up some unfinished homework. Bliss of life.

Something came up and apparently now I can't drop law anymore.And this is awesomely depressing. I already have a plan etched on my mind as to how I would spend my free lessons and I'm so looking forward to it. I hate it when things don't turn out the way I expected it too. So now no more free lessons, no more extra time to do maths and unfinished homework..arghhhh!!!! Back to hectic!!!!

On the other hand, I met up with my ex-primary mates , some of which are studying in the same institution as me and some of which are going abroad to study. It was fun.Very nice,meaningful especially when we reminisced about old times. It's like a small gathering and a farewell party for my best friend who's going abroad to study some time this month. Aww..Sherrie I'm gonna to miss u so so much.. We've literally spend almost all our lives together since nursery let say-14 years...is it 14???? And 6 years apart from one another doesn't stop us from sharing secrets,deep secrets with one another..hehhehe..old times!!!

It's 12.52 a.m now. I should probably be sleeping or at least try to sleep.But I made no attempts in both.Reasons being, lite fm is playing some really good music. School commences tomorrow and I'm pretty excited .I've got the rest I yearned for. Now, its finally time for me to push myself really hard!!! Easier said then done...

I love blogging.This is probably random but I love blogging. I've been a constant blogger for years and the passion never wears off.Maybe once or twice but I got over it eventually. Blogging gives me that measure of excitement, and adrenaline rush. I feel sincere, genuine and honest. Because it's much easier conveying honest opinions, thoughts and rants by writing rather than to a person, an individual. I love letting my thoughts run and my fingers doing the magic.Blogging to me is something that can be done when the mood kicks in. So of late , I've been perusing my older posts and at times I really want to go back to embrace that similar feeling, that similar excitement or sorrows I'd when writing it. And there's this particular one that I'll never forget how I wrote it from the place I wrote it to the fat ball of tears that wet my face. And I still feel emotional perusing it after such a long time.

That apart, I spend my holidays watching lots of movies and perusing  storybooks. And I know I sound really pathetic now.Hahahha..blame it on those sad romance movies!!!! Yeah and  I finally finished watching Grey's season 6. It was EPIC..

I felt  it's only a matter of time for me to do things that will bring me to the next chapter of my life.Yeah and the songs in lite fm are real good now and I can't bring myself to bed right now!!!! I miss Sue Ann:- random but again honest opinion.I miss Lynnette too.Lots of catching up to do.

HERE IT IS

Good things happen to those who tried hard or at least tried their level best. And excellent results come with efforts not mediocre, but great and hard.

So yeah..My results are out!!! It was one of the worst but yet it wasn't astonishing.I half-expected that it'll turn out worst , much much worst, but it wasn't too bad. Here is it. My very first screwed up exam.

I reckon this is somehow good. It's like a boost, somehow like a tough lesson learnt. I somehow feel there's no point going on about certain things and I feel different.Just different.

I  was suppose to write a happy entry about my recent short trip to Penang, the place I always call home and a long long entry about my dad. I'll try tomorrow!!!

For once after a long long time , I felt alone.

The whole feeling just kicked in today and I'd never felt like this for eons. Reasons being, I'm on a two weeks term long break and practically ALL my friends are busy with their stuffs.I miss those days where I could just pick up the telephone, punched in a number knowing that someone will be ready to hear me out.These days are different.

And I'm feeling very disturbed now for God knows why!!!

I'm finally done with my very first college exam. Good experience though besides the fact that I'd completely flunk every single paper...accounting in particular. And this time it's for real.In high school,I used to say I screwed up  and still managed an 'A' or worst comes to worst a 'B' at least.But now in college it's a completely different scenario, 'screw' means a 'D' or a safe 'C'!!!!

Whatever happens,I'm on a two weeks long ,term break. And I can already feel the mundane feeling sinking in.This is bad.But I yearn for a rest , so no rants.

For the moments, I can't get my thoughts together..So I guess that's pretty all for now..

HAPPY READING!!!!

I  shouldn't be here in the first place but the mood to blog somehow kicked in today.Firstly, my very first college semester exams are due next week.And for the first time in my life, I genuinely could say that I'm not near an inch close to being ready for the exams. I haven't been really studying this whole year.Life's just easy going for me this year.Maybe I need a break.I've been pushing myself quite hard for the last 5 years.So yeah!!!A break but it's not for long.

On a rapturous note, we have two weeks of holidays effective immediately after the exams.I'd always like holidays after exam..And I seriously need a beach vacation..I can't wait..And my books are waiting for me to peruse them.I can hear them every time I looked at my bookshelf screaming 'PICK ME UP'..!!!!

College has been really fun these days.It's just the people in it that make it better.Me,Sue and Jun Wei had an enormous amount of fun from skipping classes to studying together to laughing at stupid jokes. Alright skipping classes are bad but a little is not toooo bad..hahhaha..The old me will shrug at the idea of skipping classes, but NEW me thinks it's alright to skip class for a good cause.Perhaps I've change.

And I like changes.Before I drift off yesterday in bed, I thought about how far I've come-not too far but far enough for me to realise certain things.My prospects and views on certain things have indeed change and these days, for the past weeks or so,I felt it:-the change,the whole feeling and its exciting.I need this, an adrenaline push.Though it'll wears off soon.I get bored like real fast.

I'm looking forward to what life can offer me.Because my life had change tremendously throughout the years and these changes have drive me into becoming someone , not to sure whether its good or bad.But one thing  for sure-there are certain principles in my life that I'll NEVER deviate from.

Alright I should be studying now and I'm gonna change my blog's template like real soon and a chat box..I know I need that.

Love,
Zhen

Quick one!!!

A quick one..It's 10 minutes past bedtime already..Life so far had been great excluding the pressure and the fact that I'm about to sit for a very important exam in weeks....And for the first time in my life,I felt pressured academically..I felt it and its bad...

On another note, I realised school is getting better these days...Somehow or rather I still prefer using school instead of college..Anyway classes become less mundane just by a little-insignificantly and after school discussions just got better punctuated with chortles and random stuffs..Me,Sue and Jun are just capable of doing things beyond human capacity...

Maybe its only me who realise this change but I'm pretty adamant about it......

4 Months and That's it!!!

I always knew I was that girl.That  girl who never gives up easily and whose life was filled with incessant perseverance and determination.That girl who have her life goals set out and work hard towards it.But today,I was no longer that girl.I found myself looking at the mirror and I saw a different individual staring back at me.A girl who takes life for granted and never trying hard enough to meet her goals..
And for the first time this year,I prayed so hard for this new me to just vanish and disappear..


I found myself comparing the similarities in me during primary school and now..And I certainly could name a lot.But those years in primary school are the years that I would very much hope to put aside..Because though those years were filled with memories that proved difficult to get rid of,those were the years that I regretted much,that I wished I could put more effort it..And I certainly wish and pray that my years in college aren't like those years in primary.


On the other hand, high school had taught me lots.And those years in high school were the years I would never regret of the things I'd done.


And come to think of it,I'm 4 months into college..And what have I done so far..what have I done????


Nothing that would make me proud of myself..This time last year or the year before last,I was already soaring academically or had partially achieved my goals in high school..


Now that I am hit with a pang of realisation,it was already quite too late for me..This 4 months are the disgrace in my life and I never wish to prolong it further.

Blogging n Diary

There are certain thoughts and perceptions that you just can't open up and share with people...These thoughts will end up in diary..On the other note,there are happy,elated stories that are worth sharing..These stories end up in your blog...

But for the moment,I have no stories worth sharing with but lots of thoughts and perceptions lingering in my mind...So I seek comfort in my diary!!!That's for now!!!!

And I'm glad that the spelling check icon is back..Or was it here for some time..I haven't been blogging in eons!!!!So yeah!!!!Back to studying law!!!!

I'm seriously mad right now..Like pissed....

Some people are just plain selfish...Self-centered...I just can't believe myself...Myself for being friends with people who are just plain self-centered...what's more...I tolerated her for years....I certainly can't see the logic behind it..

It's just plain childish the way she acts..She still thinks I'm the old me...The old me who can still tolerate that degree of attitude she possesed...Somehow or rather, I seemed to be fine with what she does few years back but today,I can't ,I just can't. Perhaps I did change..Or rather I would say I'm not living the life the way she wants me too..

If ever,she happens to stumble across my blog,yeah!!!Here it is!!Here's how I feel about you all along!!

And yeah,I sort of feel better now..I seldom blog when I'm mad...But somehow I'm doing it now...Inspired by Sue I guess...It feels so good....Damn she's good

Years don't count

Someone once told me that years don't count when it comes to friendships.I argued back and shrugged her off. I personally feel that a strong and rigid relationship needs years to build.That amount of trust and connection you have for someone,it takes years!!!

Today however,I choose to believe the opposite.Time indeed, proves to me that  years don't count when it comes to relationships.And at this point of my life ,i strongly believe that all that matters now is your genuine and honest perceptions about people.I'm fully adamant now that years don't act as a determinant in measuring the value of friendship.

There's this certain phase of your life that you realise that you are feigning all these while.But all you can do back then is just to ignore that tiny feeling and move on.But when you finally move on for real,then will you realise how foolish you are.

When it comes to relationships,friendships in particular self-centered and selfishness are not in my dictionary.And when you have that capability of commiting something outside my degree of tolerance,again and again,all I could tell you is that it's over.

There's just this gap,however diminished in size it is,it's still there.I'm also determine that I would be better off with people whom I just met.It's just that feeling!!!!

The moral of the story is: YEARS DON'T COUNT!!!

The mood of blogging hasn't really kick these past few days if not weeks.

So yeah!!! I just had the most powerful  nap in three months.Naps just work wonders..Trust me..Since I'm already here, I might as well share something..If there's one significant difference in terms of routines between high school and college is the amount of naps I take in a week..Back in high school,it's nap every day.Some days naps could be as long as 4 hours,some days less..Now that I'm in college,I RARELY take naps..and if I do,I could only manage Friday evening.

Naps..yeah....today is Friday..and Friday is NAP DAY....so...I took a nap and I'd the most disturbing dreams......dreams that are so questioning...dreams that I wish I could have slept on to know the outcomes...dreams that make me question about people I knew..I dreamt about my classmates.....my new classmates..

Speaking about classmates, I felt I'm getting along very well with them.(keeps my fingers crossed)

And after an immensely long time, I really feel like studying.Studying which means going back to my old routine of strict 3 hours a day.

And I'm starting to despise the virtual world that I used to dislike back in high school,love it when college started and now in the process of despising it..

On another note,seeing my close friend in class, Sue, blogs make me feel like I should stop blogging..Her blog is so personal and happy..Perusing her blog is almost like reading happy things blog.She might sounds depressing in some of her post,but just the layout and the entire blog that just lights you up and you finally realise a crack in your smile once you're done reading.That personal touch..hard to decipher..Hahaha.

Yes or No????

You know how it feels like to start acclimatizing in a new place,new environment and then all of a sudden you are forced to go back to a place you dreaded so much...A place filled with so much memories to cherish and ponder..Memories that jog into your memory every now and then and memories that you wish you could leave behind and move on..

So yeah!!!!I half-expectedly reckon that going back to school would be fun.I was real estatic.But when the day finally arrived,and I finally walked into the school,I felt nothing.All of a sudden,it just seems like I'm walking into a place so foreign,I can barely recognize the feeling.

And today I finally realised, that when you are already part of something new or perhaps still embarking on a journey into being part of  something extraordinary,the past is just history.And history is not meant to be repeated.

Ask me now if I would want to go back to high school.The answer is a big NO.It's too late.I'd decided and  hopped into a new cab which will ride me through another extraordinary journey......

Till then,
Zhen

I'm not elated nor ravenous about my results.I'm neither happy nor sad too.My results are mediocre because academically I'm mediocre too.So no complaint!!!

So yeah!!10A's including (GCE) and a B+ for English for Science and Technology(EST).It's damn not worth it..but no complains though

Last Thursday

The last time I recalled having this adrenaline rush was three years back.And I certainly remember blogging about this too..Three years later,I'm experiencing the same rush all over again.

Today,4th March 2010,Thursday will officially be the last Thursday before my life changed.

SPM RESULTS IS COMING OUT NEXT THURSDAY!!!

Regardless of whether its good or bad(bad for sure)...my life will change somehow.Somehow or rather,I can't get my thoughts out today..but one thing's for sure

ONE WEEK BEFORE MY ENTIRE LIFE CHANGED!!!!

Me,Friends and College(Amended version)

With a wool towel still wrapped neatly around my body,I settled on the nearest chair.Tonight I've one thing on my mind and I vow to finish it with this entry.No more procrastination.I'll do it today or never again.

I just came back from a long match of tennis after eons.I haven't been perspiring so much for the last time I remembered was a fortnight ago.Tennis has always been an inspiration to me.After an immeasurable period of time, today I'm finally going back to my strict training schedule.I was forced to put my training on hold for reasons not worth sharing with.Enough said for tennis.Moving on to the main agenda.

College had kicked in for almost two months now.And if there's one thing I realised from even the first month,I would eventually have trouble coping and adapting to this life.I am a change person now.A completely transformed version of myself.And the last thing I have in mind,is to get absorbed into my new self.Because the new me is not worth maintaining.

I had deviate from the rigid principles that I adhered to strongly.And I tried so hard to be part of something.It's not me.The old me was a person who hated feigning and despised the mere fact that things can change if you push harder.

Since I'm already halfway through,I might as well finish it.From the first day of college till today,I'd never felt like I belong to my new circle of friends.I can be surrounded by a cacaphony of human voices but in my head I'm alone.I could be laughing from the outside but inside its empty.I tried.I pushed so hard but time proved everything.Deep down,I knew it's never going to work.I would never get along well enough with my new circle of friends.And today out of all days,I felt its enough.Enough of feigning to be ravenous when I'm not.Enough of opening up to friends I barely knew for two months.

I listen to my instincts too much at times.I follow what my heart says and not what's logical.Despite the fact that I knew it's never going to work well enough between me and my new classmates,I'm adamant there is a minority out of them that I feel I'll grow closer to.

To Sue, I opened up to you too much for a friend of two months.Not too bad,huh.To Jun wei, you give the most inspiring lectures in the world.To Kelvin,its unusual-you're almost like a younger version of my brother which I missed so much now that he's grown up.

It's unfair for me to list down names but that's how I really felt all along.And if I can't be honest verbally,my blog will be the source to do the magic.

And for now,I'm going to stop thinking,trying and feigning so hard to be part of the circle.I want to adapt and acclimatize so badly.But the process had lead me into neglecting my responsibility as a friend,a student,a sister and most of all a daughter.My family is my priority and I never would dare to fathom who am I today without them.

Feel it

College had never been dreary for me ever since it kicked off.I completely adore every single detail of it which include meeting new people.Today however was a day I felt completely unusual.The feeling was bizarre and weird.For the first time today,I felt lost.I felt out of place almost like being isolated.Today I found myself struggling adapting to my circle of new friends.The feeling was strange.Just strange almost like I knew I wouldn't grow closer to them.

However I'm adamant that it's just a 'feeling' I'll get over with soon.Perhaps I'm just being paranoid or maybe hypochondriac...Hahaha..like I always do

Insane

To jot down every single details about college would be preposterous.Ever since college started,I found blogging a very difficult task in the sense of I can no longer express my thoughts like how I used to.It used to be magical:-like my thoughts flow and my fingers do the magic.It's no longer like this anymore.The passion is gone.It's no more there:-the sheer excitement,the joy when I click "Publish Post", it's just not there anymore.

The mere thought of deleting this whole blog just doesn't seem like a good idea to me.This blog although not long,had captured the happiest and worst moments in my life.It was my source to convey my thoughts when I find it difficult to do verbally.

On whether I should stop blogging or not,I'll take my time to ponder about it.When I'm ready,followers of my blog will therefore be inform.The verdict for now is still unwritten.

College in a word:Fun

One word to describe college:excitement..It's the adrenaline rush you have every morning when you open your closet,run through breakfast,board the bus and walk into class.And without the amazing friends engulfing me,college would be dreary.