The Rose

Alright this is difficult. Blogging is difficult now.

Things had changed tremendously since my last post.By tremendously, I mean its crucial reform not just change as in minor change.However I do not wish to discuss the details on what actually happened in this entry.Maybe I never will be able to do so.

For the past few weeks or so,I'd this strong urge to blog, to convey my thoughts to just let it flow but I fought hard towards it.The reason being that I'm in the midst of a very VITAL examination.And I'm not done with it just yet.One more paper to go due in 6 days time.Deserve some break!!! Exam or no exam, it actually doesn't makes a lot of difference.I still catch up with my regular episodes of Grey and Gossip and I still manage long long naps. But blogging is a completely different thing.It's akin a virus.It spreads.It's almost like once you start doing it, chances of it turning into a regular regime are high. So I guess better not take that chance!!!

So yeah!!! Besides going to college once or twice a week, I literally spend my days at home either rotting or burying myself in heaps of books.Nerd much.I KNOW!!!
And lately,I've been eating goddamn lot..Like woah..HEAPS to put it. I kept telling myself its okay because its exams and I really need to feed my brain and that it needs to work twice more than it usually does. So more becomes more and more and the fact worsens when I stay at home because mum kept buying and making nice food and forcing me to eat it.Thus the reason why overload of food.Mum never stops asking me to eat nor has she ever tell me to reduce my portion. She's like my food machine constantly giving me food.Man I'm gonna be obese if she keeps doing this.Of course she doesn't mind..Aww how much I love her!!!!

And I've been praying much more than I ever do usually ever since things started changing.It helps. I can feel it.

Last but not least, I've changed.I wouldn't dare say from the previous months but from the previous years,YES I'M A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON NOW!!

I recalled vividly how I used to be really stubborn once upon a time and that no one penetrates through me once I've make up my mind.I'm bold.Yes I am, the evil bold. I scheme and I make sure things go my way.Lol..But that was 6 years back.I recalled how my best friend and I used to come out with devastating schemes to go against people who hold grudges against us.Or rather people we despise.Yes, I'm aware I do sound like those pampered bitchy brats that grunt on every single thing that comes on my way.But 6 years back anyone in my position or my best friend position would do that under the circumstances. I meant its one way of surviving bullies.You can't just stand there and let them strut their stuffs, huh??

But my point is that, we always ensure victory when dealing with people like that. And so its like a seed sown that we always make sure we win in whatever circumstances coming our way.A year later, I left the school and attend national school.People there aren't that bitchy obviously, there's some but they're bearable though...

I guess God is putting me on a test. Fast forward 6 years later which means now, I was put in a situation that if the old me was to handle would lead to something fatal.My then best friend in primary school and of course still is was sort of shocked when I relate to her what actually happen and what I've done.This is definitely not something to be proud of or to be applauded. But I think I've change.Not a lot, at least a bit.And for the better!!!!It's almost like the better half of me conquered my emotions,my mind and feelings and won over those negative thoughts.And when something as heart-wrenching as this happened, all I ever did was just sit down and think and pray for the better and finally I let it go. I let it go completely.There was hardly even an inch of negative thoughts of getting back,revenging and stuff.None I would say. That few days I hear comforting voices that go something like"Pei Zhen, its all temporary.It's gonna be ok.Let it go."!!!

So yeah!!!Long post , I guess.But through it all,I guess I've toughen up.And to conclude I think the best thing that ever happened to me this year is that I've friends that I can still fall back on.Friends that are not judgemental.You know who you are and I swear I will not fail any of you.If there's one value that I gripped on to strongly,its sincerity.Because being sincere is the only way that will show people how much you actually care for them. And being sincere has given me a best friend that I share 14 years worth of my life with and many many more good friends who took the effort to drop by and send their regards.I'm still traumatised to be honest.I know its insane and its cranky and that I actually seem normal from the outside but internally,I'm still picking up myself.I'm trying and I hope I could finally cope..

P/S: If the video thingy works, its The Rose by Westlife and someone sang this song in the 80's but can't quite remember the moniker.This is one of my Westlife favourites and I swear any guy who sing this well enough to me might be on a hike to be my potential boyfriend or future husband.LOL..IM JUST KIDDING.


I'M not weih !!No joke!!