Monday, February 22, 2010

Me,Friends and College(Amended version)

With a wool towel still wrapped neatly around my body,I settled on the nearest chair.Tonight I've one thing on my mind and I vow to finish it with this entry.No more procrastination.I'll do it today or never again.

I just came back from a long match of tennis after eons.I haven't been perspiring so much for the last time I remembered was a fortnight ago.Tennis has always been an inspiration to me.After an immeasurable period of time, today I'm finally going back to my strict training schedule.I was forced to put my training on hold for reasons not worth sharing with.Enough said for tennis.Moving on to the main agenda.

College had kicked in for almost two months now.And if there's one thing I realised from even the first month,I would eventually have trouble coping and adapting to this life.I am a change person now.A completely transformed version of myself.And the last thing I have in mind,is to get absorbed into my new self.Because the new me is not worth maintaining.

I had deviate from the rigid principles that I adhered to strongly.And I tried so hard to be part of something.It's not me.The old me was a person who hated feigning and despised the mere fact that things can change if you push harder.

Since I'm already halfway through,I might as well finish it.From the first day of college till today,I'd never felt like I belong to my new circle of friends.I can be surrounded by a cacaphony of human voices but in my head I'm alone.I could be laughing from the outside but inside its empty.I tried.I pushed so hard but time proved everything.Deep down,I knew it's never going to work.I would never get along well enough with my new circle of friends.And today out of all days,I felt its enough.Enough of feigning to be ravenous when I'm not.Enough of opening up to friends I barely knew for two months.

I listen to my instincts too much at times.I follow what my heart says and not what's logical.Despite the fact that I knew it's never going to work well enough between me and my new classmates,I'm adamant there is a minority out of them that I feel I'll grow closer to.

To Sue, I opened up to you too much for a friend of two months.Not too bad,huh.To Jun wei, you give the most inspiring lectures in the world.To Kelvin,its unusual-you're almost like a younger version of my brother which I missed so much now that he's grown up.

It's unfair for me to list down names but that's how I really felt all along.And if I can't be honest verbally,my blog will be the source to do the magic.

And for now,I'm going to stop thinking,trying and feigning so hard to be part of the circle.I want to adapt and acclimatize so badly.But the process had lead me into neglecting my responsibility as a friend,a student,a sister and most of all a daughter.My family is my priority and I never would dare to fathom who am I today without them.

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