Thursday, January 19, 2012

I wont give up

Once, I was so adamant , so certain that I'll stop blogging. Stop sharing my rants and vexation!!! I was going through some of the entries through the years and  realised how I so very emotional if not ridiculous in my blog. Perhaps it feels so much better spilling things out in writing in times when you can't find the right words to describe.

The past few weeks of 2012 came harsh to me. But I'm proud of myself,in fact blessed for the certain fact that I'd endured what I pledged to do. That explains the mixture of feelings whilst I'm running my fingers through the keyboard now.

I took time off to reflect on myself lately.A while ago, I decided it was essential to sit back and reflect on the things I have done- the good, the bad and etc. I find this works in a way to keep me back on the right track. Of course, I need no reminder of how mean I am to people lately. I feel bad. I do, we all do.

More importantly, I sat for my very first exam in uni. It was horrific!! And I mean it. I'm not kidding you. This is not another scenario of my school or college exam that I proclaimed I'd done appallingly. This time round I really really MEANT it.I'm not playing humble this time round. I felt embarassed coming out of the exam venue. I felt the shame.A strange sort of shame I'd never experienced before. I felt like I'd let the whole world down. My parents especially.I'd never in any way felt so inadequate in my life before.Maybe its time for me to learn how to handle a really bad fall. Perhaps I shouldnt be so harsh on myself but I do really think I did badly. :( :( :(

For better or for worst, I'll take it as it comes. But what I'm adamant of, is that I'll do all I could to not stray out of the path and the principles I held on to all these years. And I'll never give up on things even if it's not something I yearned for.Because at least I know at the end of the day, I'm doing it for 2 people who meant life to me-my parents and that's enough reason to do it. :)