DARE TO DREAM

I wont give up

2012-01-19T22:20:00.000+08:00

Once, I was so adamant , so certain that I'll stop blogging. Stop sharing my rants and vexation!!! I was going through some of the entries through the years and realised how I so very emotional if not ridiculous in my blog. Perhaps it feels so much better spilling things out in writing in times when you can't find the right words to describe.

The past few weeks of 2012 came harsh to me. But I'm proud of myself,in fact blessed for the certain fact that I'd endured what I pledged to do. That explains the mixture of feelings whilst I'm running my fingers through the keyboard now.

I took time off to reflect on myself lately.A while ago, I decided it was essential to sit back and reflect on the things I have done- the good, the bad and etc. I find this works in a way to keep me back on the right track. Of course, I need no reminder of how mean I am to people lately. I feel bad. I do, we all do.

More importantly, I sat for my very first exam in uni. It was horrific!! And I mean it. I'm not kidding you. This is not another scenario of my school or college exam that I proclaimed I'd done appallingly. This time round I really really MEANT it.I'm not playing humble this time round. I felt embarassed coming out of the exam venue. I felt the shame.A strange sort of shame I'd never experienced before. I felt like I'd let the whole world down. My parents especially.I'd never in any way felt so inadequate in my life before.Maybe its time for me to learn how to handle a really bad fall. Perhaps I shouldnt be so harsh on myself but I do really think I did badly. :( :( :(

For better or for worst, I'll take it as it comes. But what I'm adamant of, is that I'll do all I could to not stray out of the path and the principles I held on to all these years. And I'll never give up on things even if it's not something I yearned for.Because at least I know at the end of the day, I'm doing it for 2 people who meant life to me-my parents and that's enough reason to do it. :)

HAPPY 2012

2011-12-31T23:54:00.001+08:00

Why is it so difficult for me to string my sentences these days? For the past 10 minutes, I'd been typing and deleting then typing and backspacing again.Perhaps my passion for blogging did wear out. But that's not the point. The point is I promised one last entry before 2012. And this will be it.

I do have a lot to share, I'll probably give you the shrunken version of stories lest I'll be blamed for boring you out before I even started.I'm spending my final hours of 2011 in the comforts of my room, with my favourite tunes playing in the background, embracing and soaking in the joy of the few last hours before I call it a year.

2011 has been one of the most amazing years in my life. Despite enduring some difficult hurdles especially towards the end of this year, I dare say that this year has make me more happy and jubilant than ever. The moments and memories I spent with my loved ones and my friends are those I'll cherish at every point of my life. There were times this year,that I was left in huge doubts and queries about things. But things had taken off since then and had turned out quite well if not wonderful.But mostly, I thank God for all the answered and unanswered prayers.

I wouldn't say this year was easy. But the outcomes were definitely worth the pain. I learnt a lot and I'm not sure whether it did mould me to be a better person. But I'm pretty sure it taught me life lessons, things that you can't acquire from just merely reading. I am my father's daughter. I don't believe in success without struggles and I certainly don't believe in getting something and somewhere and not working hard for it. At times, I think I tried too hard to be on par with my dad. But there's no way my struggles and hurdles were anywhere near his. I lived a fairly comfortable life and every second I thought of giving up all I have to do is to close my eyes and run my dad's story again and again. If he can do it so can I.

It was a long long journey. An unbelievable one in fact. In the beginning half of this year, I was still in college getting all anxious and jittery about A levels. And then towards the end, I'm already one term done with university. It's daunting how swift time passes. It's even more daunting to see your good friends leaving this country to further their education. There are times when I broke down just because of how things had shaken up so much, how its no longer the same like before and how I'm forced to adapt and acclimatize with these new changes and move on. There were also times when people had doubt me. And of late I chose to put these people on a secluded area in my life. I'll not in any way be demotivated by people who tried to put me down.

All for all, I'm all good now (fingers crossed). Getting along pretty well with my uni mates. Indeed it's a blessing to have them in my life. To be honest, I was pretty sad on the last day of the term.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to be at one of my good friend's farewell party and was again reminded by how God has so greatly put these wonderful people in my life. I hope no one leaves but it always happen at some point of our life. People moving in and out of our life. But altogether I'll never forget how united we all were and will for as long as it last. You people are the most inspiring people I've met in my life and I applaud all of you for the strength and courage in every possible ways.

I wished everyone a Happy 2012!!! May everyone be happy in 2012!! Cheers

And with that, I now sentence my blog to a hiatus until further notice. Heheehe

p/s Speaking about 2011, there was this little teeny resolution that did not come true for me. Perhaps it wasn't that important after all :)

HELLO

2011-11-17T23:55:00.001+08:00

So Blogger had a new layout.Is it just me or had it been here for quite some time already??

October had been a great month!! Besides successfully completing a 2 months attachment with UMW(much to everyone disbelief), I'd the opportunity to attend a dream come true concert. :) And did I mention I'd the best birthday party ever!!!

1 dream down, 1 more to go

One of the happiest month and moments of my life came to an end (unfortunately) to a new sorrow beginning of my much not anticipated education life. So yeah!!After the much deserved 3 months break,I was really looking forward to going back to academics. The initial enthusiasm makes the first few weeks bearable. And then the work starts piling up and with things accelerating ,I felt I'm starting to lack way behind schedule. Now I yearn for more break!!

The whole process of settling in and adapting and making friends wasn't easy either. I am somehow blessed and thankful that I've a few good college friends with me and that makes adapting much easier as compared to the intital stage of college days. Although I'm not too sure I could grow much closer to anyone in class like how I did with my college mates. I could very much tell on my first month in college that we'll grow closer together as a class and yeah my instincts turn out right. I'd make not only good but best friends which I'm looking forward to share my future with!!! But this time round, I'm not too sure:( I truly understand that it takes time to settle in and build a friendship based on mutual trust and understanding. And I shall go along with whatever that comes.

I know its too early to say this but things had been going quite well for me this year. Although the month of November can prove quite challenging,I have the utmost faith that I'll somehow survive. I have one last thing in mind to achieve before the end of this year.Perhaps it's not too convenient to say it down here and I half-heartedly reckon it will work but let's hope for the best :) If it works,it'll be the ultimate way to wrap up and call it the most amazing year thu far of my life!!!

p/s Downton Abbey is getting better and better!!!

Time of my life

2011-09-02T17:04:00.000+08:00

It's been more than a month since my last entry. Truthfully things have changed quite a lot since my last nothing-to-do-for-fun-prison post!!!Since then I've

1. Started working
You read it right. Jocularity aside,YEAH I'm now sorta financially independent for two months.It means I can go out and buy as much necklaces and jewelleries I want within my financial boundary without feeling guilty.I survived a month and one more month to go.On another note,work is not particularly fun.It's hectic if you would ask for my honest opinion.But with nice, pleasant people who so willingly guided me through the one month,I did learn a lot.After all, my idea of working is not the matter of $$$ but rather the experience!!!Although my job is zero applicable in whatever I'm pursuing in uni, it's just the whole experience of working in a mundane office like environment that tells me to NEVER work in front of computers 24/7 in the future.Moreover my job now that requires me to deal with lots of figures would be my last and perhaps my final chance to be doing anything serious with numbers!!!

2. Gotten my results,of course
There's nothing much to say about it.Just one thing,I did fulfill my uni offers.Sigh!!Relief!!!

3. Become more fussy and tedious
Being fussy and neat and proper and systematic is the last thing anyone would've expected from me.I'm that sort of person who can't even decipher my own notes -.-!!!Everyone is cordially invited to take a look at my study table and deduce for yourself!!!But 1 month, ONE friggin' month damn well taught me lots.I'm now super particular about how you should stapler a stack of papers.It must be straight and 1 cm away from the edge.That tedious you see!!!I even make an effort to start work early to arrange the files in all 4 vast cupboard.Tell me about it!!!And on my last day of work,I shall convey to my boss about the files cabinet being too high out of reach.Laugh, I know I'm short but mind you I've to wear 3 inch heels everyday and tip-toe and with that I'm only being able to reach the TIP of the highest portion of the cabinet.It's discrimination against the short and I'm not the only person having trouble reaching the files.I see people jumping to put back the files and when you finally slid in that one file you took, the other files will decide to play DOMINO on you.

That's basically a month and more worth of story from me. Happy perusing!!

As for this week,it feels like the longest I had!!Lots of things happened and if you care enough to come and ask me personally,I'll tell you!!Not good stuff though.Perhaps I would say it's one of the hardest I'd endure after a very long time.I'm still in the process of taking in and swallowing things and fully digesting the whole thing.It's times like this,I wish I could lean on someone and stop being strong and happy on the outside.I'm distracting myself with things and I think that would be the fastest way out to not ponder about things anymore.

On a lighter note,my college friends are coming down to my place tomorrow which is something jolly to be celebrated after one hell of a hectic week. I'm bringing them for a makan makan trip and maybe act tour guide in the one mall all Klang-ians go to!!!I hope I don't disappoint.

Halden prison-ONE OF THE WORLD'S LUXURIOUS PRISON!!

2011-07-26T22:14:00.000+08:00

Anders Breivick

He's pretty renowned right now.So if you haven't heard of him, I suggest Google!!

Read,ponder and do bear with my vexation below

If my figures are accurate he had taken 76 lives to date & many others still missing.

Quoting from an article in Daily Mail

'To kill a group of civilians systematically is the basic criteria' for charges of crimes against humanity, he said, adding that the maximum penalty for this offence was 30 years in jail, rather than 21 years under the anti-terrorism law.

76 lives claimed=30 years in prison

Pardon me but I think he should be sentenced to death. However since Norway had long abolished capital punishment,the highest ever sentence that can be meted out is life imprisonment.

But wait till you hear about which prison they intend to place him in

He will be held in the £150 million Halden prison near Oslo, which is one of the most luxurious jails in the world.

Woah I'm impress!!!Wait there's more

Despite housing some of Norway's most dangerous criminals, including murderers, paedophiles and rapists, it has all the facilities found in a high-class hotel.

Wait till you see it

So you see each inmate gets a private cell with mini fridge,flat screen TV and even a private en-suite bathroom & barless windows-to allow more sunlight.WOAH!!

Then for every 12 to 15 rooms there is a top-notch kitchen with stainless steel work tops and lounge areas complete with IKEA-style sofas and coffee tables.

To cap-off their stay at Halden, the pampered prisoners can even enjoy a gym - complete with rock-climbing wall - a music studio and luxury library.

It could pass as a campus library

Canggih dental office

There is also a two-bedroom house where inmates can host their families during overnight visits.

Like hotel leh!!! So you see this prison was built with the highest intention that the inmates housed there would have more confidence. In the Norwegian prison system also there's a focus on human right & respect.

But is there a need for this fella.

Of Pride&Prejudice and a touchy article!!

2011-07-24T12:24:00.000+08:00

I promise this will be a short one for I've to shower and get ready to walk that mall again.I swear one day if someone was to blindfold me,spin me around, take me on a merry-go-round, in that mall,I could still find my way.

The month of August is fast approaching, and there are two things I'm particularly worry and jubilant about.
1. RESULT=DOOM TIME
2. Birthdays

I'd recalled saying how much I love the month of March,August,November & December for all my good & best friends were born in the month. And this time round, I hope I can come out with something really pleasant for two really good friends of mine.Ahem..You know who you guys are!!! Perhaps to early to say, but I hope I don't disappoint!!
And on a more sombre note, whether you like it or detest it, whatever mixture of feelings you endure, the results will still be out!!! Just so you know

I DETEST IT

But on a more happy chapter, I finally ended my Pride&Prejudice drama marathon yesterday. And oh I couldn't tell you how much I love ,love that show!!! Although I much prefer the 1995 version compared to the 2005. The only downside in the 1995 version is the character portraying Jane Bennet wasn't as much prettier than Elizabeth Bennet and the whole cast wasn't as good looking as the 2005 version EXCEPT for Mr Darcy who was played by

COLIN FIRTH

Colin Firth will and should always be remembered as the only Mr Darcy!!!

I was wrong about this being a short one because I've got one more thing to touch. You know every time people shares a link on Facebook or Twitter or etc,I'll just shrug it off unless its of a close acquaintance.But lately, I've been perusing and watching a lot of shared links , firstly out of boredom and secondly I find it entertaining.A constant and loyal reader of Daily Mail myself, I try my arduously best to read every article that is.And so I stumbled across this article yesterday and I can't help but feel the lump in my throat and tears already welling in my eyes.I'm not going to go any further on this article for all of you have to read it for yourself. Here's the link .

HERE

2011-07-20T15:39:00.000+08:00

For the past few days or so, I'd been playing dress-up with my blog,changing it's layout again and again.So after few of these sessions, I've finally make up my mind to settle on this.

I'm already starting to feel the boredom kicking in again even after 2 days of full blast excitement with my two bestest friend in the world.It was just one fine day,sometime last week that I just randomly suggested taking a short trip up to Genting.So yeah, not much planning after that we were finally there having so much fun,enjoying ourselves and chortling like we used to.

Happy family of three-Me,Lynn & Shankry


Look at the beautiful braid courtesy of Lynnette:)

I am in the midst of what is to become one of my longest education break in my life. Initially I look forward to the holidays yearning so much to unwind myself after the exams and the idea of finally having time to do what I always love doing thrills me.But a fortnight into the holidays,I swear I've executed almost everything down my to-do-list which is meant to last for 3 months. Till date, I'd read 5 storybooks, watched and re- watched movies, walked the malls like I never did, eat,sleep,play,pray,wish,hope and dream. I even did a little art & craft during the holidays. I was so bored to the point that I need to remind myself how lucky and blessed I am.So I drew up a list of the amazing moments in my life , inspired by a picture from happy things tumblr!!

It will come as no surprise as to how much of a royal enthusiast I am. So this holiday,I discovered an online royal collection shop. And omg,I just melt and my heart just did a little somersault sort of thingy. So basically this online royal shop sells everything for you to plan a royalty tea/birthday party or other function.See what they have. See more here .

Royal carriage magnet as souvenir

One more happy note for myself-Westlife is coming to Malaysia.Like FINALLY!! These are the little little things that cheer me up but nothing cheers me up more than

DOWNTON ABBEY

One of the best English drama I've ever watch. Can't wait till the second season which is schedule to be released late this year!!!

Meanwhile,I'm keeping my hands crossed on getting this particular job.

I'm back!!!

2011-06-15T17:55:00.000+08:00

So yeah!! Back from the 3 days 2 nights of absolute excitement and fun!!! And down with 2 days and 1 night of constant vomiting and fever.Not good, I know.

It's gonna be a short entry,I promise as the medicine's still making me drowsy. I swear its the antibiotics.It bloody hell works just like sleeping pills.

Give me another 2 days or so, I'll be back to the bubbly,loud,annoying and all smile me. And as for the coming days and weeks and months these are what I plan to do.

1. Settle on a good course to embark in uni and similarly enrol in one.
2. Get a job!! I don't wanna slump for 3 months
3. Tidy up my oh-so-messy table
4. Peruse my storybooks!!!

On another note,I miss my friends!!:( Not good,not good , really its not good at all!!

20 mins of random!! I swear it's more than 20

2011-06-08T00:24:00.000+08:00

20 minutes.That's all I have.That's all I give myself!!

Not kiasu la. At the end of this 20 minutes, I need to race to bed. Knackered. It's been a long day..

In the midst of a so important-major-jaw dropping-heart wrenching exam that had been going on for a month.Not kidding one leh-A MONTH!!!

The best part is that it ends this Friday which is 2 days away from today. Thats one, second part is that this will be the final final and last last time I'll be doing any of these subjects ever. To be honest,I'll miss Maths a lot.Question on whether I'll miss accountings,we'll have to wait till I sit for the paper on Thursday.If it's good,then I'll definitely miss it.If it's not, goodbye accoutings,it's been a long journey.Economics and me both have a very strange sort of relationship.I'm always giving Econs a chance, a second-guess but after today Econs we both have been trying too hard.It didn't work by the way!!!

Moving on, hehhehe.This is the best part.It's like the climax!!This is the part where years from now, Prince Harry will get down to one knee and asked me to marry him.It's that exciting and jubilant. After Friday of course its Saturday and a bunch of us are heading all the way north to Pangkor to rejuvenate and basically celebrate the end of the one month stress-induced exam!!! So so excited!!!

That's the best parts of it.However... Pathetic post alert!!

Today as I was resigning to the comforts of my bed for a short nap, I realised how much I didn't want this Saturday to come. How much I resent it silently deep down.Because I'm no more thinking about that 3 days which I believe will be cherished (hopefully) by all of us. I'm looking to after that 3 days-after Monday. What are we going to do?? Where are we??? What's next??? Are we still going to have our occasional class trips to malls and lunches or are we just going to stay at home to pass time???To be honest,I'm afraid. And last night in bed, I thought of how God has brought all these beautiful people to my life and I thank HIM for that.

Perhaps at the end of the day its me whose over-reacting(not strange).To me, life is always a fairytale.I choose to wish a little, believe more and dream even more.That's me!!!

Hey!!!

2011-04-14T00:58:00.000+08:00

HEY !!!

First thing first YES , blog had been on thorough hiatus for months.But the anticipated(or maybe not so) part is YES , it's back!!I've finally decided to revamp it's layout after much contemplation. This time round,I chose a more serious,dull looking layout to match the tone of my writing.Actually I reckon it should be the other way round.I'm attempting really hard right here to come out with something really serious.LOL much!!

Second thing second, it seems like almost a year had passed since my last emo/pathetic entry. Which leads me to tell you how things had work for me in these few precious months.The reason I took a break from blogging was to avoid myself from writing horrible stuffs that i'll regret.Things that I'll read back in the coming years in fact months and realised how naive and selfish , an individual I was.But those were the days, I would put it and I've leap to a new chapter in my life. A whole new book, a whole new journey.But this time round,I embark on a journey with the people I cherish most in my life.People whom I knew I could count on and trust. I knew I was ready to come back when I could finally let go and stop blaming myself for things that had happened and accept it as it is. To me it was an incredible process.

And of course , I did it with some help:

1. Private Practice. It must be a joke right how a medical drama could aid in putting me back into track. But HELL YES,IT DID.In fact it did an amazing job!!!Private Practice taught me to realise the goodness of life and how lucky I was.It put me and 'problem' feels like a complete fool/sucker and joker. I recalled sitting in front of the computer the whole day with my pyjamas catching the missing episodes.I don't remember crying so much watching a show.It tears me up more than Titanic did and I'm not even kidding. It still does.Lasting impact!!Woo..I'm an organ doner now!!Wait, I should say in the process. Malaysian system sucks..But yea I'll be an organ doner soon!!!

2.Good friends.Really super awesome funny friends which makes me crack up at their every joke!!!And it's really important to note who they are. I shall relate why later. And they are

Chia Li, Mel , Me, Kelvin, CCY-Try to find the boys in the pic..try really hard!!

3. Best friend-Lynnette!! Period...

Oh yea forgot...I told her she'll be my lady-in-waiting if I marry a prince.A real one okay!!!Real means

prince.

And apology for the extreme fantasy!!

4.Eat Pray Love. I'm talking about the book..Oh and the quote also la.

5.Revelation.It's been a month now since I learned that my mum almost lost me during the 7th month of her pregnancy. Mum told me it was a miracle that I make it through.The exact words she relate to me was "You are a God given child". I did tear up a bit seeing how lucky I am.

6. Royalty.It pulled me into the world of fantasy fantasy and away from the harsh reality of life which do me good in a way!!

That's what I could come up with in the moment. But do come back often because I'm thinking about royalty for my next entry.Did a bit of reading and I'll tell you what I think about Kate!!

p/s: Accessories like necklace turn me on more than hawt boys do these days

2010-11-17T01:21:00.000+08:00

If you haven't already know it or yet to find out.This is it:

PRINCE WILLIAM GOT ENGAGED AND WILL MARRY NEXT YEAR!!!

Like okay, who cares.Who give a damn about him getting married???Okay, yeah I know I do.I don't.I don't.I don't.I don't.I don't.

But you see the point is, it just makes headlines everywhere and you've gotta deal with it. One minute you think it's no big deal and the next you've gotta follow the craze of the crowd. FUTURE KING IS GETTING MARRIED!!!YAY!!YAY!!HOORAY!!

For these few days or so, I reckon I'm gonna have to avoid getting my daily dose of celebrity news.Because Prince William and his future fake bride to be is gonna grace the entire page. I seriously don't get the hype.It's not like they have done something noble enough for the people.And don't even start comparing Kate Middleton with Princess Diana..DON'T!!

I guess I'm gonna stop right here.Cause if I am to go on,I'm worried those FBI people will come get me or something like that.It's a joyous occasion.Let's celebrate people!!

The Rose

2010-11-04T21:35:00.001+08:00

Alright this is difficult. Blogging is difficult now.

Things had changed tremendously since my last post.By tremendously, I mean its crucial reform not just change as in minor change.However I do not wish to discuss the details on what actually happened in this entry.Maybe I never will be able to do so.

For the past few weeks or so,I'd this strong urge to blog, to convey my thoughts to just let it flow but I fought hard towards it.The reason being that I'm in the midst of a very VITAL examination.And I'm not done with it just yet.One more paper to go due in 6 days time.Deserve some break!!! Exam or no exam, it actually doesn't makes a lot of difference.I still catch up with my regular episodes of Grey and Gossip and I still manage long long naps. But blogging is a completely different thing.It's akin a virus.It spreads.It's almost like once you start doing it, chances of it turning into a regular regime are high. So I guess better not take that chance!!!

So yeah!!! Besides going to college once or twice a week, I literally spend my days at home either rotting or burying myself in heaps of books.Nerd much.I KNOW!!!
And lately,I've been eating goddamn lot..Like woah..HEAPS to put it. I kept telling myself its okay because its exams and I really need to feed my brain and that it needs to work twice more than it usually does. So more becomes more and more and the fact worsens when I stay at home because mum kept buying and making nice food and forcing me to eat it.Thus the reason why overload of food.Mum never stops asking me to eat nor has she ever tell me to reduce my portion. She's like my food machine constantly giving me food.Man I'm gonna be obese if she keeps doing this.Of course she doesn't mind..Aww how much I love her!!!!

And I've been praying much more than I ever do usually ever since things started changing.It helps. I can feel it.

Last but not least, I've changed.I wouldn't dare say from the previous months but from the previous years,YES I'M A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON NOW!!

I recalled vividly how I used to be really stubborn once upon a time and that no one penetrates through me once I've make up my mind.I'm bold.Yes I am, the evil bold. I scheme and I make sure things go my way.Lol..But that was 6 years back.I recalled how my best friend and I used to come out with devastating schemes to go against people who hold grudges against us.Or rather people we despise.Yes, I'm aware I do sound like those pampered bitchy brats that grunt on every single thing that comes on my way.But 6 years back anyone in my position or my best friend position would do that under the circumstances. I meant its one way of surviving bullies.You can't just stand there and let them strut their stuffs, huh??

But my point is that, we always ensure victory when dealing with people like that. And so its like a seed sown that we always make sure we win in whatever circumstances coming our way.A year later, I left the school and attend national school.People there aren't that bitchy obviously, there's some but they're bearable though...

I guess God is putting me on a test. Fast forward 6 years later which means now, I was put in a situation that if the old me was to handle would lead to something fatal.My then best friend in primary school and of course still is was sort of shocked when I relate to her what actually happen and what I've done.This is definitely not something to be proud of or to be applauded. But I think I've change.Not a lot, at least a bit.And for the better!!!!It's almost like the better half of me conquered my emotions,my mind and feelings and won over those negative thoughts.And when something as heart-wrenching as this happened, all I ever did was just sit down and think and pray for the better and finally I let it go. I let it go completely.There was hardly even an inch of negative thoughts of getting back,revenging and stuff.None I would say. That few days I hear comforting voices that go something like"Pei Zhen, its all temporary.It's gonna be ok.Let it go."!!!

So yeah!!!Long post , I guess.But through it all,I guess I've toughen up.And to conclude I think the best thing that ever happened to me this year is that I've friends that I can still fall back on.Friends that are not judgemental.You know who you are and I swear I will not fail any of you.If there's one value that I gripped on to strongly,its sincerity.Because being sincere is the only way that will show people how much you actually care for them. And being sincere has given me a best friend that I share 14 years worth of my life with and many many more good friends who took the effort to drop by and send their regards.I'm still traumatised to be honest.I know its insane and its cranky and that I actually seem normal from the outside but internally,I'm still picking up myself.I'm trying and I hope I could finally cope..

P/S: If the video thingy works, its The Rose by Westlife and someone sang this song in the 80's but can't quite remember the moniker.This is one of my Westlife favourites and I swear any guy who sing this well enough to me might be on a hike to be my potential boyfriend or future husband.LOL..IM JUST KIDDING.

I'M not weih !!No joke!!

I'm blogging from my iPhone !!!!!

2010-09-25T23:43:00.000+08:00

This is pretty cool ..All these times, I thought blogger isn't compatible with iPhone . But somehow it is!!! Woot!!! Heres to more entry from iPhone !!

Let's see what's been happening lately with me!!! School commences a week ago and its pretty hectic- the whole process of getting unfinished work done.I should have seen this coming!!!

I'm gonna make this short, because although I would say that I'm quite good with the iPhone keyboard, it's still funny typing here.

I don't know where this come from. It had always been inside me but many of times I just ignored it and shrugged it off!!!I have this strong urge to fight for woman and children rights . Woman in particular and its spontaneous and random. But I've always wanted to!!

Of family and school

2010-09-17T12:26:00.000+08:00

College commences in 2 days time.And that leaves me with an approximate 48 hours or more to catch up with unfinished school assignments and embrace one last bite of fun. This eventually brings me to question the absurdity of getting it done.

The thing about human is that we procrastinate.Not all I would say, but a crowd. And I am definitely not proud to be of the company.The point is that I tried.But my mental will wasn't as strong as I thought. It wasn't rigid, impermeable and bold like I wish it would.To make an analogy, my mental will is akin a permeable membrane, alright maybe semi, allowing the rapid diffusion of all sorts of ideas. Every morning I wake up with a fresh new vow/thought/inspiration which goes like " Alright Pei Zhen, you have 37 accounting questions to finish, an economic assignment to be done, a personal statement which is yet to be completed and an important exam to study for." Each day, I reminded myself of the things awaiting me and every single time I settled down on my serious table in an attempt to get things moving, another idea/thought settled upon my oh so permeable head. And thus, I can't resist the temptations.Hence, that explains how I deviate.

Enough said,I'll get started today.Moving on, last Sunday my cousin got married in a lavish wedding. And weddings as you know are the best time to gather everyone.My uncle flew in from Sabah with his family and another uncle flew in all the way from China with his family and it was like Chinese New Year again, where everyone gathers in the family home,go for dinners and basically have fun.To mark the occasion, here's some pictures!!!

Maternal side aunties and uncles with their progeny

Left to right: Bro, me,mum & dad <3!!!

And that's basically it...

2010-09-11T17:40:00.000+08:00

Humans as we know are extraordinary creature bestowed by God with the ability to speak, have feelings, to walk with two legs, and etc.But the thing about us is that we complain just too much..Maybe not everyone but there's this circle that complain and complain and complain and keep on complaining. And sadly to say,I belong to this rare bunch..And miserably, I despise it..Not most of the time but at times..

The thing about people who complain too much is that it just get on your nerves.And different people do it in different degree.By 'it',I meant complaining. To rate it on a scale of 1-10, people on a scale of 1 would complain minimally, once in a blue moon and sometimes never.And as you go up the hierachy, it gets worst..It goes from slowly complaining about the weather to getting fussy into tiny and smaller details of everything.And man,its ANNONYING.I would settle on a scale of maybe say 4 or 5 , but that's life..If you don't rant about how pathetic it sounds, it'll be bottled up and this sucks.

Yeah, its kinda hilarious why I'm writing a whole lot about complaining.Because for God's sake, I've been ranting about how mundane my holidays have been and I've got another week to bear. And the thing about certain people is that we continue ranting and we make no whatsoever attempts in trying to curb it. But I don't belong right there.Because I've done every possible thing I imagine. I'd finished almost 2 storybooks, done SUDOKU,read and read, catch up with my royalty news,play,exercise...what else..Alright...yeah......

STUDY...i got it!!

Of fear, Westlife and school!!!

2010-09-02T21:50:00.001+08:00

I reckon its alright to be afraid .

To be afraid of what the future might offer, afraid of life ten years from now, afraid of circumstances, afraid of dying. Life is engulfed by fear that sometimes gone unnoticed. Fear is everywhere, contagious at times and it's only a matter of how well you hide it.

I, personally fear for what the future might offer me.I always think that people who have their future plan ahead of time,nicely and carefully etched up are just way planning too early. Besides, I've never believe on going according to plans, whats more this is life we're talking about.How can someone plan their life ahead of them and at the same time having such strong faith that adhering to it closely will bring you close to being successful??? To me, life is like a long journey, one that follows through, that need no whatsoever meticulous planning. It's just all about how you live it.

Moving on, I'm currently hooked on Eat, Pray, Love , written by Elizabeth Gilbert.Haven't done reading but guess it's not too bad. And for those of you who haven't already know, I'm so into into into like million trillion times into WESTLIFE..The obsession is getting a little out of hand and I might need help with that soon.But for now, I'm so so crazy over them and honestly I don't remember being so into a singer/actor.The last one being Hilary Duff and the obsession leading to me adopting Hilary as my alternative name..Something new, huh!!!But the craze it's back.Westlife is just different. Somehow when they sing, I feel them.It's not just the melody, its the lyrics , the content and how they just intepret it. And their live performances are just mind blowing..Way way better than the studio recording. It's just a recent hype .I guess I'll get over it soon..Yeah, I will.. And I'm still into royals.

On a more happy note, school's out.This means that bliss, joy and pure freedom for two whole weeks...Woot!! And just so you know, I flunked my exam..Screwed..Total wastage!!! In the meantime, before the results come out..LET'S ENJOY!!!

A quick one

2010-08-16T17:27:00.000+08:00

I have 10 minutes in exact to write a short post..That if at the end of the post, I don't change my mind...Trials are due next week..Pretty anxious but shouldn't get out of hand because there's nothing to be excited or jittery of..I knew how I'll fair.

The best part about exams is the two weeks due long holidays that accompany it..That's fantastically fantastic and that part should trigger more excitement and anxiety. My cousin's getting married soon and that's something different this holiday..At least, I don't have to laze around figuring what to do and ranting...

Ok...I'm running out of time...One last thing, I've been a REALLY bad student this whole year..I spent one semester regretting and only started putting in effort the second semester...too late, I guess..I wish I could turn back time...Arghhh...Everyone wishes!!!

Off for tennis

Love,
Zhenny:)

Random 21- Happy Reading

2010-08-08T00:59:00.000+08:00

1. Today's the 8th of August and that means I am 15 days away to trials to be exact..And I literally spent my whole day doing NOTHING close to academics.

2. My books are strewn everywhere on my table and I've no IDEA where to start...

3. Its 12.44 a.m and am currently having a bizarre craving of a good cheese cake..

4. I'm really into the 80's music..I've a special folder created in my Ipod titled country!!!

5. I'm still into royals..the fact never change

6. I REALLY NEED TO STUDY!!

7. I'm writing everything that pops on my head now!!!!

8. I never knew all this while ,my dad send sweet texts to my mum when he's away for work..(:

9. Petula Clark and Olivia Newton John are incredible!!!

10. I finally removed my earring!!!

11. My ears are itchy and I'm trying to resist my fingers anywhere near it!!!

12. I love my friends!!!

13. I'm up for something crazy, something that will give me that amount of rush!!!

14. I feel like playing tennis with a guy...hahha..random but I have someone on my mind now!!!

15. I used to hate accounting but I'm in the process of seeing the wonders behind it..

16. When I solved a really difficult maths question, I write "WONDERS OF MATHS" or "STUPID" beside the question!!

17. I really need to catch some sleep...

18. I need to lose weight!!!~~( a joke)~~

19. I want to dance so badly!!! I'll think about enrolling myself into dance class...

20. Finally, I yearn to indulge myself in real laugh more often...Real laugh which means laughing till my stomach aches!!!

21. I missed my grandma!! Alright lets not get there!!!!I love her!!!

Queen at Heart

2010-07-31T23:32:00.000+08:00

Queen Victoria

- The longest and youngest reigning monarch to date..

Her romance with Prince Albert had been the greatest love story..Trust me..Watch Young Victoria

Queen Elizabeth II

- Present Queen of England

Queen Rania of Jordon

- An inspiration to all woman... Her ingenuity and thorough commitment in instilling education amongst children and woman is just pure inspiration.

Quote-As you educate a woman, you educate the family. If you educate the girls, you educate the future.

Crown Princess Mary of Denmark

The one and only

Princess Diana

All my life, I've never been really fond of anything in particular. Or I would rather say fancy of something for a reasonable amount of time..And finally I could safely say that I'd discovered one...Take a guess..

Yes!!!!

ROYALTY!!!

Why????Royalties fascinate me in every way...I had always been curious on how they live their lives...and still am curious... !!!! If I was to talk about a royal, let say Queen Victoria, I could go on for hours but let's not get there first...For as much as I adore them, its that generous amount that I'm inspired by a handful of them.

And deep down, its my lifelong fantasy to be one of them..hehhehe...stop dreaming!!!

Pierced!!!

2010-07-26T19:01:00.000+08:00

Everyone once told me that piercing your ears aren't that painful..Indeed piercing is not that painful.In fact to be honest, it wasn't painful at all..When the sound of the piercing gun pierced through the silence, my immediate response was " Yeah, they were right...it's painless!!" For a second or two, I was beaming inside and after that ' WOOSHHH'... The aftermath pain...it was excruciating..!!!! It's not red ants bite like how some people describe it to me...it's way way way way more excruciating then ants biting...It's crucial...

It was tolerable though...but still disturbing pain!!! And now I'm trying to figure out how to turn my earrings...how???? It's not moving and it hurts when I attempted to do so....

Please..no infection please!!!

10 RANDOM POST

2010-07-24T23:42:00.003+08:00

1. My eczema is getting from bad to worst. And its worrying my parents a lot, especially my dad cause

eczema means frequent usage of steroid.

2. It's been a LONG time since I last watched a show that moved me to tears. I spent my evening watching

My Sister's Keeper..And surprisingly it turned out better than I'd expected. Though I like the book

better..And while we are on the topics of movies, I managed to catch Inception with my classmates last

Friday..A show worth spending 2 hours 30 minutes in the cinema. Extraordinary though I don't really get

fractions of the show..Am planning to watch it again sometime next week!!:)

3. I'd basically wasted my whole Saturday doing NOTHING!!!! And while I always believe that Saturday is

a day for doing something more leisure and relaxing,today its just different.I was literally out the whole

day. But on a more delighted note,I had a really decent dinner with my parents whilst my brother was in his

friend's house...I managed to fill my dad in with current things happening in my life ranging from an array of

topics such as my new friends, studies and a little bit about general stuff.

4. I need GUTS...

5.Trials in 30 days or so, and yet I've done no whatsoever attempts in pushing my oh -so -poor grades

up!!!!

6. I'm having very bad cravings for waffles...waffles with cold ice-cream..OMG..this is BAD..especially

when I'm trying shed some pounds now....

7. Tennis is addictive!!!!

8. I missed Sri Lethia...(maybe not so much of the school but the people in it)

9. I'd depression once a long time ago( to all my new friends who don't know about this)...and I'm not

ashamed of it in any way....and PLEASE AR, I'M NOT SIAO!!!...I have depression because I had very

chronic sleep apnea..I can go on not sleeping entirely for two or three days.And it's not because I do not

want to sleep but just because I CAN'T!!!

10. I YEARN FOR A REALLY GOOD LAUGH!!!!

TEMPERAMENTAL

2010-07-14T22:44:00.000+08:00

1.I'm having a really BAD mood swing now...CHRONIC!!! I rarely have mood swings but yeah, I guess it's
okay to have it once in a while.

2. On the other note, I should be studying right now with trials approaching in a month or two, and not striding my fingers across the keyboard.Instead ,I'd basically wasted the whole night watching a good episode of Grey's and perusing some really good royalty articles.

3. And for the first time following the weeks after college commences, I feel vulnerable. I feel like going back to the enjoying college part.. And like I say, I'm having very bad mood swings today and my senses aren't right.

4. Whilst I'm on the topic of mood swings, I really feel like having few good strokes of tennis NOW!! Right
now at 10.30 p.m..

5. My knees hurt like hell..the aftermath of playing swift tennis.

6. My eczema palms are getting from bad to worst and I'm going back to steroids.The itchiness and the splitting of the skin is driving me to a frigging POINT!!!

7. My college mates need to start believing that I'm not studying TOO hard. In an attempt to influence them to study, I end up beingly knowned as the source of stress....hhahah..FAILED PLAN..but it's up to them to believe my motives though.

CONCLUSION: MY LIFE SUCKS.

2010-07-04T12:52:00.000+08:00

So yeah!! College commences last week and surprisingly I didn't dread it as much as I reckon I would.That's good, huh.!!! The reason being I'd dropped law unofficially so I spent most of my time in the library either doing maths or catching up some unfinished homework. Bliss of life.

Something came up and apparently now I can't drop law anymore.And this is awesomely depressing. I already have a plan etched on my mind as to how I would spend my free lessons and I'm so looking forward to it. I hate it when things don't turn out the way I expected it too. So now no more free lessons, no more extra time to do maths and unfinished homework..arghhhh!!!! Back to hectic!!!!

On the other hand, I met up with my ex-primary mates , some of which are studying in the same institution as me and some of which are going abroad to study. It was fun.Very nice,meaningful especially when we reminisced about old times. It's like a small gathering and a farewell party for my best friend who's going abroad to study some time this month. Aww..Sherrie I'm gonna to miss u so so much.. We've literally spend almost all our lives together since nursery let say-14 years...is it 14???? And 6 years apart from one another doesn't stop us from sharing secrets,deep secrets with one another..hehhehe..old times!!!

2010-06-28T01:36:00.001+08:00

It's 12.52 a.m now. I should probably be sleeping or at least try to sleep.But I made no attempts in both.Reasons being, lite fm is playing some really good music. School commences tomorrow and I'm pretty excited .I've got the rest I yearned for. Now, its finally time for me to push myself really hard!!! Easier said then done...

I love blogging.This is probably random but I love blogging. I've been a constant blogger for years and the passion never wears off.Maybe once or twice but I got over it eventually. Blogging gives me that measure of excitement, and adrenaline rush. I feel sincere, genuine and honest. Because it's much easier conveying honest opinions, thoughts and rants by writing rather than to a person, an individual. I love letting my thoughts run and my fingers doing the magic.Blogging to me is something that can be done when the mood kicks in. So of late , I've been perusing my older posts and at times I really want to go back to embrace that similar feeling, that similar excitement or sorrows I'd when writing it. And there's this particular one that I'll never forget how I wrote it from the place I wrote it to the fat ball of tears that wet my face. And I still feel emotional perusing it after such a long time.

That apart, I spend my holidays watching lots of movies and perusing storybooks. And I know I sound really pathetic now.Hahahha..blame it on those sad romance movies!!!! Yeah and I finally finished watching Grey's season 6. It was EPIC..

I felt it's only a matter of time for me to do things that will bring me to the next chapter of my life.Yeah and the songs in lite fm are real good now and I can't bring myself to bed right now!!!! I miss Sue Ann:- random but again honest opinion.I miss Lynnette too.Lots of catching up to do.

HERE IT IS

2010-06-21T23:13:00.000+08:00

Good things happen to those who tried hard or at least tried their level best. And excellent results come with efforts not mediocre, but great and hard.

So yeah..My results are out!!! It was one of the worst but yet it wasn't astonishing.I half-expected that it'll turn out worst , much much worst, but it wasn't too bad. Here is it. My very first screwed up exam.

I reckon this is somehow good. It's like a boost, somehow like a tough lesson learnt. I somehow feel there's no point going on about certain things and I feel different.Just different.

I was suppose to write a happy entry about my recent short trip to Penang, the place I always call home and a long long entry about my dad. I'll try tomorrow!!!

2010-06-15T20:31:00.000+08:00

For once after a long long time , I felt alone.

The whole feeling just kicked in today and I'd never felt like this for eons. Reasons being, I'm on a two weeks term long break and practically ALL my friends are busy with their stuffs.I miss those days where I could just pick up the telephone, punched in a number knowing that someone will be ready to hear me out.These days are different.

And I'm feeling very disturbed now for God knows why!!!

2010-06-12T21:15:00.000+08:00

I'm finally done with my very first college exam. Good experience though besides the fact that I'd completely flunk every single paper...accounting in particular. And this time it's for real.In high school,I used to say I screwed up and still managed an 'A' or worst comes to worst a 'B' at least.But now in college it's a completely different scenario, 'screw' means a 'D' or a safe 'C'!!!!

Whatever happens,I'm on a two weeks long ,term break. And I can already feel the mundane feeling sinking in.This is bad.But I yearn for a rest , so no rants.

For the moments, I can't get my thoughts together..So I guess that's pretty all for now..

HAPPY READING!!!!

2010-06-03T20:04:00.000+08:00

I shouldn't be here in the first place but the mood to blog somehow kicked in today.Firstly, my very first college semester exams are due next week.And for the first time in my life, I genuinely could say that I'm not near an inch close to being ready for the exams. I haven't been really studying this whole year.Life's just easy going for me this year.Maybe I need a break.I've been pushing myself quite hard for the last 5 years.So yeah!!!A break but it's not for long.

On a rapturous note, we have two weeks of holidays effective immediately after the exams.I'd always like holidays after exam..And I seriously need a beach vacation..I can't wait..And my books are waiting for me to peruse them.I can hear them every time I looked at my bookshelf screaming 'PICK ME UP'..!!!!

College has been really fun these days.It's just the people in it that make it better.Me,Sue and Jun Wei had an enormous amount of fun from skipping classes to studying together to laughing at stupid jokes. Alright skipping classes are bad but a little is not toooo bad..hahhaha..The old me will shrug at the idea of skipping classes, but NEW me thinks it's alright to skip class for a good cause.Perhaps I've change.

And I like changes.Before I drift off yesterday in bed, I thought about how far I've come-not too far but far enough for me to realise certain things.My prospects and views on certain things have indeed change and these days, for the past weeks or so,I felt it:-the change,the whole feeling and its exciting.I need this, an adrenaline push.Though it'll wears off soon.I get bored like real fast.

I'm looking forward to what life can offer me.Because my life had change tremendously throughout the years and these changes have drive me into becoming someone , not to sure whether its good or bad.But one thing for sure-there are certain principles in my life that I'll NEVER deviate from.

Alright I should be studying now and I'm gonna change my blog's template like real soon and a chat box..I know I need that.

Love,
Zhen

Quick one!!!

2010-05-13T23:48:00.000+08:00

A quick one..It's 10 minutes past bedtime already..Life so far had been great excluding the pressure and the fact that I'm about to sit for a very important exam in weeks....And for the first time in my life,I felt pressured academically..I felt it and its bad...

On another note, I realised school is getting better these days...Somehow or rather I still prefer using school instead of college..Anyway classes become less mundane just by a little-insignificantly and after school discussions just got better punctuated with chortles and random stuffs..Me,Sue and Jun are just capable of doing things beyond human capacity...

Maybe its only me who realise this change but I'm pretty adamant about it......

4 Months and That's it!!!

2010-05-02T17:47:00.001+08:00

I always knew I was that girl.That girl who never gives up easily and whose life was filled with incessant perseverance and determination.That girl who have her life goals set out and work hard towards it.But today,I was no longer that girl.I found myself looking at the mirror and I saw a different individual staring back at me.A girl who takes life for granted and never trying hard enough to meet her goals..
And for the first time this year,I prayed so hard for this new me to just vanish and disappear..

I found myself comparing the similarities in me during primary school and now..And I certainly could name a lot.But those years in primary school are the years that I would very much hope to put aside..Because though those years were filled with memories that proved difficult to get rid of,those were the years that I regretted much,that I wished I could put more effort it..And I certainly wish and pray that my years in college aren't like those years in primary.

On the other hand, high school had taught me lots.And those years in high school were the years I would never regret of the things I'd done.

And come to think of it,I'm 4 months into college..And what have I done so far..what have I done????

Nothing that would make me proud of myself..This time last year or the year before last,I was already soaring academically or had partially achieved my goals in high school..

Now that I am hit with a pang of realisation,it was already quite too late for me..This 4 months are the disgrace in my life and I never wish to prolong it further.

Blogging n Diary

2010-04-29T18:22:00.000+08:00

There are certain thoughts and perceptions that you just can't open up and share with people...These thoughts will end up in diary..On the other note,there are happy,elated stories that are worth sharing..These stories end up in your blog...

But for the moment,I have no stories worth sharing with but lots of thoughts and perceptions lingering in my mind...So I seek comfort in my diary!!!That's for now!!!!

And I'm glad that the spelling check icon is back..Or was it here for some time..I haven't been blogging in eons!!!!So yeah!!!!Back to studying law!!!!

2010-04-12T12:58:00.000+08:00

I'm seriously mad right now..Like pissed....

Some people are just plain selfish...Self-centered...I just can't believe myself...Myself for being friends with people who are just plain self-centered...what's more...I tolerated her for years....I certainly can't see the logic behind it..

It's just plain childish the way she acts..She still thinks I'm the old me...The old me who can still tolerate that degree of attitude she possesed...Somehow or rather, I seemed to be fine with what she does few years back but today,I can't ,I just can't. Perhaps I did change..Or rather I would say I'm not living the life the way she wants me too..

If ever,she happens to stumble across my blog,yeah!!!Here it is!!Here's how I feel about you all along!!

And yeah,I sort of feel better now..I seldom blog when I'm mad...But somehow I'm doing it now...Inspired by Sue I guess...It feels so good....Damn she's good

Years don't count

2010-04-11T16:41:00.001+08:00

Someone once told me that years don't count when it comes to friendships.I argued back and shrugged her off. I personally feel that a strong and rigid relationship needs years to build.That amount of trust and connection you have for someone,it takes years!!!

Today however,I choose to believe the opposite.Time indeed, proves to me that years don't count when it comes to relationships.And at this point of my life ,i strongly believe that all that matters now is your genuine and honest perceptions about people.I'm fully adamant now that years don't act as a determinant in measuring the value of friendship.

There's this certain phase of your life that you realise that you are feigning all these while.But all you can do back then is just to ignore that tiny feeling and move on.But when you finally move on for real,then will you realise how foolish you are.

When it comes to relationships,friendships in particular self-centered and selfishness are not in my dictionary.And when you have that capability of commiting something outside my degree of tolerance,again and again,all I could tell you is that it's over.

There's just this gap,however diminished in size it is,it's still there.I'm also determine that I would be better off with people whom I just met.It's just that feeling!!!!

The moral of the story is: YEARS DON'T COUNT!!!

2010-03-26T19:58:00.000+08:00

The mood of blogging hasn't really kick these past few days if not weeks.

So yeah!!! I just had the most powerful nap in three months.Naps just work wonders..Trust me..Since I'm already here, I might as well share something..If there's one significant difference in terms of routines between high school and college is the amount of naps I take in a week..Back in high school,it's nap every day.Some days naps could be as long as 4 hours,some days less..Now that I'm in college,I RARELY take naps..and if I do,I could only manage Friday evening.

Naps..yeah....today is Friday..and Friday is NAP DAY....so...I took a nap and I'd the most disturbing dreams......dreams that are so questioning...dreams that I wish I could have slept on to know the outcomes...dreams that make me question about people I knew..I dreamt about my classmates.....my new classmates..

Speaking about classmates, I felt I'm getting along very well with them.(keeps my fingers crossed)

And after an immensely long time, I really feel like studying.Studying which means going back to my old routine of strict 3 hours a day.

And I'm starting to despise the virtual world that I used to dislike back in high school,love it when college started and now in the process of despising it..

On another note,seeing my close friend in class, Sue, blogs make me feel like I should stop blogging..Her blog is so personal and happy..Perusing her blog is almost like reading happy things blog.She might sounds depressing in some of her post,but just the layout and the entire blog that just lights you up and you finally realise a crack in your smile once you're done reading.That personal touch..hard to decipher..Hahaha.

Yes or No????

2010-03-12T22:05:00.000+08:00

You know how it feels like to start acclimatizing in a new place,new environment and then all of a sudden you are forced to go back to a place you dreaded so much...A place filled with so much memories to cherish and ponder..Memories that jog into your memory every now and then and memories that you wish you could leave behind and move on..

So yeah!!!!I half-expectedly reckon that going back to school would be fun.I was real estatic.But when the day finally arrived,and I finally walked into the school,I felt nothing.All of a sudden,it just seems like I'm walking into a place so foreign,I can barely recognize the feeling.

And today I finally realised, that when you are already part of something new or perhaps still embarking on a journey into being part of something extraordinary,the past is just history.And history is not meant to be repeated.

Ask me now if I would want to go back to high school.The answer is a big NO.It's too late.I'd decided and hopped into a new cab which will ride me through another extraordinary journey......

Till then,
Zhen

2010-03-11T18:29:00.003+08:00

I'm not elated nor ravenous about my results.I'm neither happy nor sad too.My results are mediocre because academically I'm mediocre too.So no complaint!!!

So yeah!!10A's including (GCE) and a B+ for English for Science and Technology(EST).It's damn not worth it..but no complains though

Last Thursday

2010-03-04T21:33:00.002+08:00

The last time I recalled having this adrenaline rush was three years back.And I certainly remember blogging about this too..Three years later,I'm experiencing the same rush all over again.

Today,4th March 2010,Thursday will officially be the last Thursday before my life changed.

SPM RESULTS IS COMING OUT NEXT THURSDAY!!!

Regardless of whether its good or bad(bad for sure)...my life will change somehow.Somehow or rather,I can't get my thoughts out today..but one thing's for sure

ONE WEEK BEFORE MY ENTIRE LIFE CHANGED!!!!

Me,Friends and College(Amended version)

2010-02-22T20:25:00.003+08:00

With a wool towel still wrapped neatly around my body,I settled on the nearest chair.Tonight I've one thing on my mind and I vow to finish it with this entry.No more procrastination.I'll do it today or never again.

I just came back from a long match of tennis after eons.I haven't been perspiring so much for the last time I remembered was a fortnight ago.Tennis has always been an inspiration to me.After an immeasurable period of time, today I'm finally going back to my strict training schedule.I was forced to put my training on hold for reasons not worth sharing with.Enough said for tennis.Moving on to the main agenda.

College had kicked in for almost two months now.And if there's one thing I realised from even the first month,I would eventually have trouble coping and adapting to this life.I am a change person now.A completely transformed version of myself.And the last thing I have in mind,is to get absorbed into my new self.Because the new me is not worth maintaining.

I had deviate from the rigid principles that I adhered to strongly.And I tried so hard to be part of something.It's not me.The old me was a person who hated feigning and despised the mere fact that things can change if you push harder.

Since I'm already halfway through,I might as well finish it.From the first day of college till today,I'd never felt like I belong to my new circle of friends.I can be surrounded by a cacaphony of human voices but in my head I'm alone.I could be laughing from the outside but inside its empty.I tried.I pushed so hard but time proved everything.Deep down,I knew it's never going to work.I would never get along well enough with my new circle of friends.And today out of all days,I felt its enough.Enough of feigning to be ravenous when I'm not.Enough of opening up to friends I barely knew for two months.

I listen to my instincts too much at times.I follow what my heart says and not what's logical.Despite the fact that I knew it's never going to work well enough between me and my new classmates,I'm adamant there is a minority out of them that I feel I'll grow closer to.

To Sue, I opened up to you too much for a friend of two months.Not too bad,huh.To Jun wei, you give the most inspiring lectures in the world.To Kelvin,its unusual-you're almost like a younger version of my brother which I missed so much now that he's grown up.

It's unfair for me to list down names but that's how I really felt all along.And if I can't be honest verbally,my blog will be the source to do the magic.

And for now,I'm going to stop thinking,trying and feigning so hard to be part of the circle.I want to adapt and acclimatize so badly.But the process had lead me into neglecting my responsibility as a friend,a student,a sister and most of all a daughter.My family is my priority and I never would dare to fathom who am I today without them.

Feel it

2010-02-18T17:12:00.002+08:00

College had never been dreary for me ever since it kicked off.I completely adore every single detail of it which include meeting new people.Today however was a day I felt completely unusual.The feeling was bizarre and weird.For the first time today,I felt lost.I felt out of place almost like being isolated.Today I found myself struggling adapting to my circle of new friends.The feeling was strange.Just strange almost like I knew I wouldn't grow closer to them.

However I'm adamant that it's just a 'feeling' I'll get over with soon.Perhaps I'm just being paranoid or maybe hypochondriac...Hahaha..like I always do

Insane

2010-02-13T14:32:00.002+08:00

To jot down every single details about college would be preposterous.Ever since college started,I found blogging a very difficult task in the sense of I can no longer express my thoughts like how I used to.It used to be magical:-like my thoughts flow and my fingers do the magic.It's no longer like this anymore.The passion is gone.It's no more there:-the sheer excitement,the joy when I click "Publish Post", it's just not there anymore.

The mere thought of deleting this whole blog just doesn't seem like a good idea to me.This blog although not long,had captured the happiest and worst moments in my life.It was my source to convey my thoughts when I find it difficult to do verbally.

On whether I should stop blogging or not,I'll take my time to ponder about it.When I'm ready,followers of my blog will therefore be inform.The verdict for now is still unwritten.

College in a word:Fun

2010-02-03T19:21:00.002+08:00

One word to describe college:excitement..It's the adrenaline rush you have every morning when you open your closet,run through breakfast,board the bus and walk into class.And without the amazing friends engulfing me,college would be dreary.

I'D FINISHED A SEMICIRCLE

2009-12-31T21:09:00.002+08:00

I just came out from a steaming hot shower,my clean and wet body still wrapped tightly in a wool towel.I love wools.I have so much to blog ,I don't know where to start.Lets get it done one at a time.Slowly....
I just came back from a short vacation in Penang.It was so much fun.So so much.I'll probably leave vacation in Penang for the next post.Next year la...

So yeah!!!180th post and I'd finished a semi-circle.Glad I came so far.Too far,I realised.

2009 was a great year.Although 2008 was a far better year for me, but its always the harder years you'll remember most.A year that pushes me so far, and now when I looked back I actually realized that I'd done it.Besides,what's life without hardships.My father always says 'Imagine everything you planned just falling into place.Wouldn't life be perfect??' If there is one thing the year 2009 had taught me,it will surely be that life is not as easy as I'd thought. Quoting my dad 'Suffer first,enjoy later'.

Perhaps I did change.A lot.I just didn't see it.This time round,I wouldn't have so much fun anymore without feeling guilty.It's different now.

As for New Year's resolution,I have none to be honest.At times,I feel like a passenger just moving through,stopping by just to get a glimpse of what the year could offer and then start moving again to continue the journey of life.I yearn for a destination.

Dan Brown

2009-12-16T22:21:00.004+08:00

I love Dan Brown.So, so love.You know as the saying goes:-Each and every one of us have hidden talents beneath us that sometimes we do it so regularly and we're unaware of it.So I didn't discover my hidden talent,not yet.Maybe I would never will.However,I discovered and found something that made me happy besides keeping me away from my nails biting habit.I do it regularly out of joy.

I LOVE HISTORY

So what!!!!To be honest and frank,history had never been boring with me.Friends,if you hear me saying history is boring,I was probably feigning so as not to be left out.History excites me.I can sit for hours reading everything about Queen Victoria's reign in Wikipedia.Yeah, royalty sums up with history will give me a total of excitement.Going back to Dan Brown,I love him because he makes me discover unusual,mystery stuffs.

His first book I read was "The Da Vinci Code".Fact or myth,I totally loved it.Then,I read "Angels and Demons" followed by The Lost Symbol.And I know Brown wrote five novels to be exact.Because three of his writings involved the same character,Robert Langdon,I sort have a strange connection to it.And to read two of his other books will be difficult because I love Robert Langdon.It's almost like reading Sophie Kinsellas' without Rebecca Bloomwood.That's how I feel.

I just finished perusing The Lost Symbol and I'm all about the Masons and Noetic Science.Go Google Noetic Science.It's so interesting.Do you know that human souls have mass?????

Daydreaming is one of my favourite pastimes.So I thought like maybe when I finished my studies,maybe I can work in a palace.Not the Malaysia istana, la.To be part of the England's royalty household.I wouldn't mind how much they pay.I just love the idea of working in a palace.To be honest,I don't mind being a door woman or maybe nanny.

Yesterday and Today

2009-12-14T23:30:00.002+08:00

Seconds tick,hours pass, days gone by,friends change but nothing in me change since then.Nothing.I still love dancing to the sounds of Schubert in the dark.I still love the taste of my nails.I still cry in bed,falling asleep in the end.I still let the hot tears flow into my goggles when I swim.I still love swimming and tennis as ever.I still love playing dress up when no one's at home.

So yeah!!!My dad was like telling me that he never regretted placing me in public school 5 years ago.He never told me the reason for it.But I could guess.Perhaps in these 5 years, I'd mature more than ever.And yes!!!!!5 years was like enlightenment for me.I learnt the harsh reality of life,of not taking the easy way out and most of all standing up to what I believe most.I fought hard for what I want and not take life for granted.I understood hardships and how money plays such important roles in some people's life.

I did not change completely.I mature.I'm still the same girl inside.The same girl who would splash her money buying a new swimsuit for her friend's pool party.The girl who gossips in the loo.And most importantly the girl who stands by her best friend when she's in trouble.

What's different now and then would be:-I won't splash my money buying a new swimsuit when I already have one.

Perhaps,I did change.She's right.

What Happened???

2009-12-09T21:16:00.003+08:00

Few months back, I was all full of ideas on how to uplift my blog, one of which was to transform it to a royalty page.That was few months ago.Today, however I feel the other way round.I feel like shutting it for good.For good.No more rants,no more pathetic sighs.Why bother managing a blog when you can't really express your true thoughts about things???My point is that not all things are worth sharing to others.

On a lighter and more ravenous note, I watched The Young Victoria for the third time.I promised if you're up for something romantic and elegant,this is it.You've gotta watch this.Its much, much like 4x much better than any pathetic romance movies.I still feel emotional despite watching it for the third time.Trust me.You'll adore it.

New doesn't always means good

2009-11-09T21:55:00.004+08:00

I very much adore the fact that there's only 9 days left for the 'DAY'.The reason is of course not because I'm ready for it.I'm not ready and I'll never will be ready for it.Give me another month,another year and my answer will still be not ready.The fact is obvious-I'm never perfect,I'm a mediocre and I disguise it.I dislike it to the very end.

I dream so much.My blog's moniker is 'DARE TO DREAM'.I have such high hopes,such high aims which are almost impossible to accomplish.No more mansions,no more air-conditioned latrines.I want Prince Harry now.Can you believe it???How your fantasies can bring you so far sometimes???And I'm adamant that Prince Harry is not another celebrity crush.I'm already living in a virtual world.So my point is that,I have such vast,huge dreams but nil efforts.So how now????

Major exam in 8 days to be accurate and no extra efforts.

And by the way new doesn't always means good.

2009-10-17T16:46:00.002+08:00

I hate birthdays.I never like it.I just don't like it.No,there are no specific incidents that made me hate birthdays.I just hate my birthday.Not others.

2009-10-09T23:15:00.001+08:00

I was in a state of quandary on whether I should or should not sing tomorrow.So I've make up my mind.I will be singing tomorrow.

2009-10-03T19:57:00.002+08:00

I just finished perusing The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown.A bit too late, huh.All this while the book had been lying untouched in my study.The reason was obvious-I thought it would turn out to be another non-fiction,science type of book.It didn't and surprisingly I like it.

Wow

2009-09-26T12:10:00.001+08:00

Grey's Anatomy Season 6 is out.I can't wait.Will it be Izzie or O Malley???

Pangkor Version II

2009-09-25T20:15:00.006+08:00

Now that I'm back from Golden Sand(another name for Pangkor),I really need to concentrate on shedding some serious weight.Second time round and I can tell you that the excitement and energy were still hard to bear.We chose to accommodate in the same resort,the mere fact that it's posh and they have beautiful,private beaches(ignore the total damage caused).You know when I say private beaches,it means that you don't share it with outsiders.For instance,If you happen to go to Penang,even in the most expensive hotels outsiders can just walk in and use the beach.And that explains why they have dirty beaches.In this resort however,outsiders are not allowed and you can't just walk in.You have to endure a 30-minutes ferry ride to get there and the ferry rides are exorbitant and exclusive.Outsiders wouldn't want to endure long,expensive ferry rides.That explains it.

Another obvious reason why I'd chose this resort is that you can't go anywhere.The point is that you got nowhere to go.It's an island and the only mode of transport is a ferry.You feel like you're in a foreign,new and not so 'Malaysiaish' place.You see 'mat sallehs' ' everywhere,every corner.The fact that they walk around naked bring you further away.However this is only true until you see 'nasi lemak' for breakfast.

Check out all the pictures at my Facebook.

I didn't get a chance to tell you about my previous trip right there.But taking another journey down memory lane was hard to resist, too hard that I'd almost cried on the last night of our stay.I learnt myriad things:-ride a bicycle,play ping-pong.

2009-09-19T22:19:00.003+08:00

The date is set.Last minute preparations are immense.Everyone is elated and not to mention enthusiastic as the day approaches.If everything goes on as scheduled,I,Tan Pei Zhen and family will be making another trip down to Pangkor.

Yeah,I try to make it sound like a wedding is about to take place.Nah,anyway I'm extremely ravenous.A break,finally.I basically spent the past few days Googling Princess Diana:- everything about her from A-Z.I just adore her in every way.A princess-every one's dream to be one,huh.

I'm staying up late today to catch up MTV Video Music Awards.8tv better be right this time.Till then,I'll see all of you again on Thursday.

Dare to Believe

2009-09-09T18:26:00.002+08:00

All my years of schooling,I always believe that just a little bit more effort, a little bit more hard work you can easily make your way to the top of your class.And 11 years of schooling also bring me to realise that working hard and putting more efforts doesn't apply to me.Not because I'm a slow learner or I'm dumb but just the fact I get enthusiastic so fast.I have such high hopes and the next minute I find myself crumbling down.I always have these visions of me doing very well in exams (which never happen).And these visions are the culprits to all my sleepless nights,my very first teenage depression and me being dubbed 'Cranko' by some of my friends.The more I bring myself to think about it,the situation becomes worst.I became more and more anxious,more excited and the outcome became unbearable.

So I'd decided to let my dreams and visions flow.I rather choose to stay moderate and modest than ruining my life.Sometimes what's not yours is not yours.I believe the day will come where I'll strive-maybe by than it'll be million times greater than this.So I'd stop trying.

Damn it!!!What took me so long to figure it out??

2009-09-06T11:40:00.003+08:00

It's difficult to move on with life,feigning and faking when you know what's really happening.And to top up my frustration,this is the first thing that greets me when I surf the net.

They're back together.

2009-09-03T18:44:00.004+08:00

I'm done with B.M,Sej and by tomorrow English.B.M turns out to be freaking difficult.Of course,its BM what no surprise.I guessed I screwed up paper 2-the literature part.I hate literature and to worsen things up its in BM???Sejarah didn't turn out to what I'd expected.I thought I was going to damage the entire paper 2.But not too bad, it turns out well.Enough to get what I deserve.English is basically English.But I thought I ruined my essays also.Enough said.Conclusion is that I screwed up most of my papers.

You know sometimes I wonder and ponder how some people move on with their lives so easily.How they can adapt and acclimatize to a new culture so easily??To leave a bunch of friends,move on and lead life somewhere new.Honestly if it's me,I think it'll not be easy.Very random,I know-can't help it.

The Young Victoria

2009-08-30T00:08:00.003+08:00

So yeah!!I just finished watching The Young Victoria.Pretty good,I would say.Worth watching unless you're very much into British Royalty-which I am.

Eczema

2009-08-28T19:04:00.005+08:00

You know what's the most difficult thing when it comes to dealing with eczema???I would say its not the skin breaking part neither the fears when bath time approaches nor the agony that one has to undergo when anything(you name it) touches your skin.It's the self-esteem,the confidence that you very much lose every time the skin breaks and your hand gets scaly,rough and blistery.And the last thing you very much hope for is that the eczema doesn't spreads on obvious areas of your body.

I've eczema ever since I was five.Five!!!When other people my age get to hold soft toys, animals and barbie dolls,I was only allowed to play with Lego sets.At first,I wasn't really bothered with scaly skin and rough,wrinkled palmbut that was only true until people around me started taking notice.All of a sudden they sparked up conversations about my scaly palm and they seem so enthusiastic like its something new to them,something rare , something bizarre.

At first,I wasn't at all affected by it, but strange as it might sound, after 12 years I started feeling vulnerable.I started loosing the boost,the confidence that I used to have.It's all gone before I come to realize.

So three days ago ,I paid a visit to a dermatologist(at last).And now I'm undergoing steroid treatment.Yeah!!My eczema was so bad to the extent that I'm using steroid now.My skin has very much improved since then.And I haven't done this for an extemely long period of time.

"I'M HAPPY"

2009-08-16T19:20:00.003+08:00

Just a few minutes ago,I was on the phone with Divya and she conveyed to me her fear for HINI.She also told me that rumours had it that a girl from our school- afternoon session had caught the virus.Truthfully,I'm not afraid.The fact that I'm an asthma patient should make me fear more of contradicting the virus.But I'm not an inch afraid or fear for it.I don't know why.But these days I'd been thinking very positively.But positive in a weirdest way.

I attempted thrice for the past three days to come up with a happy post-something to show that I'm ravenous and elated at least.My attempts were futile, so I'm going to stop trying.I'd decided that I'm just going to rant on with my dramatic stories and maybe one fine day (hopefully) , I'll come back writing a happy post.

It gets on my nerves that the weather is so unpredictable sometimes and for that I did not get to exercise this week.My sweat is so going to taste salty.

2009-08-10T18:55:00.003+08:00

I didn't realise I was wearing a TOPSHOP to play tennis until today.Funny me!!!

Laughing out loud

2009-08-08T18:35:00.003+08:00

Please take note that I'm no more affiliated to the prefectorial board any more.Which means that now I'll appreciate everyone addressing me as Pei Zhen not prefect ah.

So last Thursday was the last meeting and I can't believe I'd actually showed up.Anyway last Thursday was also the day that I'd heard the most ludicrous and inefficient thing in the world.Have you by any chance come across any authority who give you a warning letter and then the next day apologize and pull back the letter??I'd come across one.There the prefectorial board.

If you're wondering,they didn't pull back my warning letter as I failed to present my witnesses before the said date.What the heck????Witnesses.Its this some kind of court proceedings or what.You can easily bribe you friend and come up with witnesses.Isn't that simple???

Yeah, and I happen to come up with another evidence.Ivy and I are very much like critics so we prefer to sit right back.Often we were blocked by a group of tall,lanky prefects.Christina Gan, a girl about my height also prefers to sit at the back.So she was one of the many people who got wrongly accused.She managed to come up with five witnesses.My question now is :

1) Ivy and me are equally short.What are our chances??

Conclusion is that the secretary of the upcoming board needs to at least has the courtesy to lift their heavy ass and scans the room twice.

What a disgrace???

2009-08-02T14:07:00.002+08:00

Lately,I can't bring myself to write a happy entry.And it means that I'm still upset.That's why yesterday, I'd booked myself in for a facial session with ADONIS.And for the record,I'd actually stopped thinking throughout the session.It was miracle.I felt so serene,so tranquil and so pampered yesterday.I wasn't feeling upset,guilty nor angry.My emotional outrage was gone.The shoulder massage did the magic,I guess.

Moving on,I'd been doing a lot of thinking lately and I feel its time I get rid of all this superstitious and nonsensical thinking.And things that happen to me lately made me realised that sometimes it's better to not listen.It's better not to know so much because the fact hurts.Bringing yourself to face the truth will be heartbreaking.And feigning that nothing much happens will be a big lie.So why bother knowing the truth???A lesson that I'd learnt lately-start pretending.

Clumsy me.So what!!!

2009-07-28T21:01:00.002+08:00

I fell down yesterday.Flat.Here is how it happens.There was a huge rock in front of me so I skipped in a attempt to avoid it.But my legs were too short so I tripped and fell down on my knees.The wound wasn't really bad but my father got so hypochondriac all over it.I think I fractured my toe,but still managed to pull through tennis for two days.I'm not 'lembik'.I'm clumsy.So what.My feets are uneven.So what.

Back to the warning letter story,the more I bring myself to think about it,the more I think about resigning soon.Of course, for some people who don't go for meetings often and was bestowed a warning letter,it was no shocking news.But hey, I have friends coming around asking me what happen in meeting almost every week and she didn't get a warning letter.She barely knows what happen in meetings.

Just because she hands in a letter every time she skips meetings,making her better than me.I should have known this trick.Stupid me!!I should have actually construct a pile of letters with pathetic reasons and hand it in every time I skip meeting.Hey, girl isn't that easy.How long it takes to write a letter??Besides,my father writes up to 40 letters a day.Corporate letters I mean.Letters like this wouldn't take him long.

It all comes back to the point of how inefficient the board is or like my mum said "What a waste of time??Come back and play tennis better, lah".Anyway what is over is over.I told my dad yesterday night and he actually asked why I didn't bring back the letter.He could have write a lengthy note for the Head Prefect straight away.Tomorrow I'm going to get the letter and see what I could do with it.

I'm calling Sherrie now.After all,she's the only one willing to listen to me.

Biggest Mistake

2009-07-27T19:50:00.002+08:00

A year later,I'll look back and cherish today.Because today God had blessed me with life's greatest lesson.A lesson that I'll cherish and ponder.I cried.I cried endlessly today witnessed by spectators.My life I cry for only two solid reasons:-one if I'm really upset and two I'm really angry.I was flabbergasted today.

Believe it or not , I got a warning letter from the prefectorial board.For what cause.For not attending meetings.The best part was I didn't get an asthma attack at that time.I think it would be cool having a few people carrying me to the 'bilik sakit'.For heaven sake,if its me getting a warning letter for not attending meeting than almost 3/4 of the board would be in a state of jeopardy.My mum almost got a heart attack when I conveyed the news to her.People whom I don't see them in meetings escaped without any warning letter.

I questioned the secretary in a stern voice.And guess what.She asked me to bring back the letter and come back with my parent's signature the next day.I threw the letter right at her face and yelled saying that getting my parent's signature is equivalent to me accepting the fault.Which means no way.I created a hell of chaos in the whole area.So brilliant Miss Head Prefect got the news and started the usual routine.She went around asking people whether they've seen me in meetings.The secretary started coaxing me saying that maybe it's just a mistake.Back off.If it's a mistake rectify it and then give me the letter.

I started crying and now the idea of crying sounds ridiculous to me.When I start crying,I can't stop.Angelita and Rayel was two kind beings who actually try to cool me down.I stormed into the class and sat next to Joanna.After that,I felt so much better.

The fact that everyone tries to point out to me is that I'm going to leave the board in a week or two.Why bother to create a mess?I have principles in my life and try compromising it,I'll not leave you in peace.Even if it means resigning a day before the official date,I will.Because integrity is so much more important than a piece of decrepit certificate coming from a abysmal board led by an unqualified leader.I was brought up with principles.I don't go around agreeing with others.

Seriously speaking,if not for Ling Wei I wouldn't be bother to carry out my responsibilities.I'm not losing even an inch.Unless I get an explanation,my decision are yet to differ.

Tham was freaking funny today.She thought that I cried because of my marks.C'mon Tham.

I played good tennis today.I managed to scribble the letters 'PB' on the balls and my blows were hard enough to make Mr Choo gasps.

Crocs Rocks!!

2009-07-19T19:11:00.002+08:00

A new addition to my Crocs collections.Behold:

By the way,my bags arrived today.Words can't describe how I'm feeling right now.

Bags

2009-07-18T21:58:00.003+08:00

Words that best describe the past few days-HELLISH yet AWESOME.Hellish for the fact that I'd successfully screwed up all my papers again and Awesome for the mere fact that I'd slept through almost all the nights.I guess this means that I'm officially insomnia-free.I hope so.

Of late,I'd been having very bizarre dreams.Questioning dreams that aren't scary,which ends up making me chewing my last bit of nails attempting to interpret it.Also,I'd been very demanding lately.You know everyone who know me pretty well got to agree that I'm not a very obsess person.I deal with things pretty well.For instant, I really want another pair of flip-flops from Crocs however I got over it after some time.Still I want it though.Anyway I got really provoked and annoyed last weekend and I decided that burning some cash would be the best medicine to ease my mood.I indulge on a mini shopping spree and ended up getting a T-shirt from MANGO.

My cousin sister was kind enough to fly me some branded bags all the way from London.Behold:

I can't wait.

What the Heck!!!

2009-07-08T15:23:00.002+08:00

Guess what.Maths and Science back to Bahasa kononya mother tongue.Anyhow I was not really astonished but would like to grab this opportunity to extend my outmost sympathy to the future generation.Malaysia will have their next generation going to space speaking "Apa khabar??Lu cakap apa.Yakah ,apa itu sphere." How pathetic.

150th Post & Turning 15

2009-07-07T19:07:00.005+08:00

Hello readers',I'm officially back(i hope so).Yeah, it's been almost a solid month since I last blogged.For your record this is my 150th post and someone special is turning 15.Yeah, how things are make to coincide sometimes.

Before indulging fellow readers' to one of my lengthy,dramatic and exaggerating speech,let me update you with the little bits of my life.Exams are due next week.Which means by now,I'll be having short crook finger-bitten nails and sleep deprive. Schools as usual are always dreary.My chat box had expired a long time ago and I didn't bother to renew it.I thought of doing it later.And the AWESOME FOURSOME haven't had fun for an immense period of time.Probably it won't happen anymore.I hope not.

And now the dramatic talk begins,

You know how sometimes when you're in such a foul mood and a person comes experimenting all his wrestling skills in front of you.You know how sometimes you need to act humble when a person so much younger than you is so good at something you do.And worst of all,you know how sometimes a person gets so over-protective to even let you touch his cell phone.

But beneath all the wicked and provoking acts he commits himself to,I never live a day through without thanking God for his existence.He was the reason I pray silently every day.I love him thoroughly and words cannot express how I always wish that we'll stop growing.Because soon it'll come a time,where both of us have no choice but leave one another in order to chase our dreams.I pray and I'll continue praying for him.Because he's my one and only brother.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EONG WEI!!!LOVE YOU TO MAX.

By the way,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSICA LOO

Articles

2009-06-17T22:27:00.002+08:00

I've got about 20 articles to finish before tomorrow.Which means that I have an approximate of two more hours before bedtime.I realize its not very nice sacrificing my precious sleeping time for some EST articles.If not for the teacher who always threatens us with the demerit points,I couldn't be bother to get it done.

This entry is suppose to be long.However the writer is too lethargic and the mood of blogging doesn't really kicks in today.She'll be updating her site as soon as possible.Stay tune.

Hey

2009-06-14T23:20:00.003+08:00

School commences tomorrow.And that seriously means its consequences time.I'd been lacking far behind this year academically and socially. You know what I mean,huh.Nothing much about my two weeks holidays and therefore not very enthusiastic to share with fellow readers.I'm not stingy ok.Without me realizing two weeks came to an end just like this- whosh!!I didn't even get the chance to really relax without worrying my results that are yet to be revealed.

I failed badly and I'm not in good shape to handle any of this right now.I dread school tomorrow.I dread results and I plant a hatred towards schooling life.It's hectic.Anyway I would be totally lying if I said there was no fun in my holidays.Big fat liar!!

Yeah!!!The main one was getting the AWESOME FOURSOME back in action.We met up last Friday for steamboat in a restaurant;-obviously.This time around with the economic turmoil hitting our country-we were deeply affected too.No posh restaurant this time.Just a small,cozy Chinese restaurant with loud Chinese music blaring out from the stereo.I recalled how frustrated Ivy was to be sitting just below the stereo.We chortled loudly to almost everything, oblivious to the surrounding.The ambiance and vicinity was not very good-I agreed,however the place lit up with our laughter roaring frequently.

I was ravenous and excited and beaming happily.In simple words:

I WAS HAPPY!!!

Miracles

2009-06-03T21:25:00.003+08:00

Do you believe in miracles at the first place??I don't if you're wondering.Miracles happen all the time,unexpectedly, out of the blue.When miracle occurs only then we'll be with by a pang of realization,guilt and often relief and grateful.But what happens when it doesn't.Miracles are never my stuff.It doesn't strikes me and often I'll just get off facing the circumstances. Nevertheless an incident that I'll relate to you in a short moment had brought me to a path of having faith in miracles and most of all God.

Last Sunday,like any other Sundays ,I struggled to get out of bed.While I was flipping around on the bed,I realized that my brother was out of the bed.So yeah.Here it goes.Yes-I still sleep with my younger brother.So what.Anyway it was something bizarre seeing him out of the bed so early on a Sunday.C'mon something's not right.And then moments later,he came back telling me that he had a slight fever.Slight fever only what.Nothing fantastic.He popped some Panadol and I thought he'll be alright soon.

Fast forward few hours later his fever gone from bad to worst.And worst means fever with very bad shivering and blue nails and palms.My parents brought him to the nearest hospital fearing something bad is going to happen.He was diagnosed with a virus infection and was put under very strong antibiotics.There it goes.The next day he gets worst,no progress.I began to worry.Symptoms worsen:-nausea,vomiting,extreme shivering and extremely high temperature.I see both my parents sponging him.And worst of all I was forbidden from entering his room as its contagious.From the crack of the door,I saw how he shivers,how his palms became bluish to purplish.I was scared at that time.

No words can describe my fears.For God's sake he was my one and only sibling I have.I can never imagine my life without him.I never dare to even imagine.I'm an asthma patient.I understand the truth behind one's suffering.On Monday night,I was at my breaking point.I can't take it anymore.I wanted to spill it all out to someone and decided to call Rhenu.I can't get through her.

And then all of a sudden,it just happens.I remembered a book, a Buddhist prayer book that I last read a fortnight ago.I recalled how noble and powerful the book was.This book contains personal and real life accounts by people who went through it.I held the book gently and with a sacred heart and mind I read it aloud trying to get the contents of the book into my mind.Though I managed to finish 20 pages of that book,it was more than enough.

The next day when I wake up,I half expected to see my brother lying on his bed.But God I can't believe my eyes.He was in front of the computer striding his thin and long fingers on the keyboard.Thank God.In that instance,I know who to believe.Behold:

THE NOBLE MAHAYANA SANGHATA SUTRA DHARMA-PARYAYA

By the way,I'm feeling very strange now.

I'll never stop trying

2009-05-24T22:59:00.002+08:00

4 more days and that's it.That's it.There goes the mid-term that I'd completely screwed up.Not trying to feign modest here but this is serious.And I mean it.Chemistry 1 and Sejarah 1 tomorrow.Yeah,I know I should be in the study right now memorizing Pakatan Murni and Gerakan Islah...blah....blah..blah.....Anyway I'm not because if I am I would not be here striding my tabby fingers across the keyboard.

So while I was trying to reach out for some revision books,a thin envelope slipped and fell making its way through the air before landing forlornly on the ground.In the beginning I didn't bother much of its existence and I just resorted to picking it up and stacking it back to the pile of books.But something,something just made me so curious of the contents of the envelope.A red one.As long as I can recall,I don't usually keep envelopes in my room.

Very slowly I unsealed the envelope and all of a sudden I started shaking.

It's not everyday that your friends do something extraordinary for you.And it definitely takes a lot of effort and passion to do this.It's very visible that the exams had done a mess to our relationship and triggered it at an alarming rate.But foursome let me tell you what:-I'll never ever stop trying no matter how hard I'll try to preserve our relationship.Let me assure you that what we had built yesterday is so strong and rigid that nothing can take it away from us.Absolutely nothing.It's not how much time we spend together but how much we had gone through already.

You'll know what I'm talking about if you had watched 'Sisterhood of the Travelling Pant'.

I'm so prone

2009-05-15T17:09:00.002+08:00

This week had been a very intense one.Our mid-year is stretching right up till the end of May.So I sort of like have an E-May(Exam May) this year.Speaking about exams,my sleep was not too bad.I still managed to sleep in for more than 4 hours.Consider good ok.

This exam also I seriously screwed up all the papers that I'd sat for.I screwed it till the very end.Lately I felt like I'd been very careless in my exams which I don't used to.Its alright getting a slash for questions you do not know but its an awful feeling making small mistakes and getting a mark that you don't deserved.So I sort of figured out why I'm so careless lately.I read through some articles and it was stated that a factor of carelessness is PMS.Gosh!!That would be absolutely right!!!PMS!

The one

2009-05-02T22:35:00.002+08:00

I'm back!!Yeah!!Haven't been updating for quite some time.The reason is I reckon withdrawing myself from the blogging sphere, can actually help me deal with my emotions:-more to like acting more natural and less feigning.

Moving on.Mid-term exam in a week's time.I'm making every arduous attempt to digest as much as I can and at the same time trying to not to think about my sleep.Recently my class made a trip to Taylor's College.Being in Taylor's actually trigger me to think more about what I'll be doing later on in life.

Many a times,people just tend to make wrong moves in their life or simply made the wrong decision about their future.I wouldn't dare say I'm any better but the thing here is many people think that being a medical doctor is so great, so prestige.Yeah, indeed being a medical doctor is prestige but is social status enough to outcome passion???

The idea of becoming a medical doctor once crossed my life,but man I got over it.When reality comes knocking,I knew that I'm not good enough and will never be good.So why choose something beyond your capabilities??And then I knew that with my capabilities I need to opt for something lower.Which means that I can safely discard medicine and pharmacy out of my deck of cards.And there is where I come across my passion for food.

NUTRITION

I want to be a nutritionist and a dietitian and I'm adamant that I'll make it one day.From that day when I discovered I'd this passion towards vitamins,I've been reading a lot about nutrition since then.From latest discoveries to old facts , I digest it like I'm all ready to start college.With my stern eating habits which varies from no pork to less meat,I guess I'll make a good nutritionist.

Nah, its all just a dream.

By the way,I'm trying to lose weight in an extraordinary way.No starving,no severe exercising.Will be blogging about it soon!!!

Fast one

2009-04-13T22:49:00.002+08:00

For now a fast and short one!!

Yeah..Haven't been updating for like ages.Anyway tomorrow's the day:-the day that I'd long anticipated,the day which will prove whether all my efforts are worthwhile,the day where my heart will start beating and pumping hard again,the day where excessive adrenaline will flow throughout my body system,the day where my knees will tremble hard enough.

I'M PLAYING MY SECOND AND LAST MSSD!!!

I'm excited.I'm ravenous.I'm enthusiastic.I'm jittery.I'm nervous.I'm confuse.I can't describe my feelings now.It'll all be clear by tomorrow.I leave it all to God.Wish me luck!!!

Alright!!

2009-03-28T01:01:00.002+08:00

Yeah,I know.Alright.Let me explain!!I know I haven't been updating for ages.Maybe for this entry-just an excerpt on what's going on lately.Yeah!!Camp did rock!!!On another note,we're(Mgs'ians) expecting another assessment soon.And frankly speaking,I'm starting from scratch.Yeah,basically that's all I can think about for now.

Moving on,I'm currently undergoing a very crucial state of amnesia.Believe it or not, in a week I misplaced two very important things:-mobile& Tupperware.

I'm really looking forward to April.Lots of exciting and ravenous things are happening.I can't wait for tennis MSSD, Sri Lethia IU Evening and of course the test.The faster it comes,the better it is.I have so much more to say but somehow the words don't seem to be forming in my brain.Words-tied huh???Or whatever you call it.............

CAMP ROCK!!

2009-03-11T15:05:00.002+08:00

I'm actually quite ecstatic for camp this year.Very enthusiastic and excited.To prove my enthusiasm,I'd actually prepared a list on what to bring and what not and carefully typed and printed it out earlier.My instinct says that camp this year is going to rock.How far my instinct is true,you've gotta wait for me to be back and tell you about it???

Maybe part of why I'm so ravenous about camp this year is because I get to skip school for two days.Furthermore this year I'll be going with one of my close buddies-Ivy.And also I'm not that worry about camp this year because we're staying in a dorm instead of the usual tent.The latrines should be much more cleaner and modern compared to the one last year.I just have this bizarre feeling that the camp will turn out good.

Also this year,I'm bringing a whole bottle of vitamin C and multivitamin with me to strengthen my immune system.I would never want to come back half dead again because I have something very vital going on on Sunday.So be positive.

Till then

Bye,
Zhen

Finally

2009-02-27T21:05:00.002+08:00

No insomnia , no sleep apnea.Yeah, my sleep was not very good for the first two days but after that WOW________

Though I had managed to get enough sleep,I also managed to screw up almost all the papers.And I'm not trying to feign modest right here.Remember I hate people who feign!!!!

Tomorrow co-curricular activities will go on as usual and Rhenu and I have something really important to tell our cheerleaders.SO DUMB!!!

I am still contemplating on whether or not to go for a swim before going to school tomorrow.I am still in the process of weighing the pros and cons.
Pros:It will be so cool going to school after a swim,I haven't swim in ages
Con:I have to get up extra early

WHAT DO YOU THINK???

Bad skin

2009-02-23T12:26:00.004+08:00

Don't be astonish if I say I've got a skin as old as a 83 year old grandma and a skin as scaly as a crocodile.It might sound farcical but a fact still remains a fact and its up to whether you want to believe it or not.Behold:

Eczema had been an obstruction to myriad things in my life.I had been living with eczema for years and I knew how it had strongly affect my life emotionally and physically.Seriously how would you feel possessing rough and blistered fingers???There is no cure for eczema which means that you'll need to bear with it for the rest of your life.

2009-02-22T21:43:00.001+08:00

Hello.

Her exam's on Tuesday!
All the best Missy.

Mr.Anonymous.

For once

2009-02-22T19:46:00.002+08:00

Here it goes.My monthly test is just around the corner ,so I assume you know what it means.

SLEEP APNEA,DEPRESSION & ANXIETY

No more,no more.I give my assurance.My mind is going to do the magic.Be positive.Yeah be positive.

On another note, Grey's anatomy season 5 is getting better.Who says Grey's anatomy is mundane??

Transformation

2009-02-17T20:00:00.002+08:00

Guess what.Yesterday I was feeling very elated after hanging up with Sherrie.Today I'm feeling the opposite -upset.I don't believe people undergoing transformation in their life.I had knew Sherrie for all my life.Who knows her better if its not me???She might say the exact thing to me and I thoroughly agree with her.She definitely knows me better than any of my friends.

But you know how some people try to convince other people that they change a lot in life.And I don't give a heck on those people.Be yourself.Why must you change??Definitely changing for the better is very essential.But how long can you bear to pretend and feign yourself in front of people.How long-a year, two or a decade???How long??????

I was blessed with opportunities to see how people transform and revamp themselves in their life.Transformation factors might range from seducing guys to starting over a new leaf or just merely for fun.I don't get the point.The type of people that I'll try my best to avoid is people who fakes and people who make up stories.

Why bother feigning???Are you happy with the feigning life you're leading??Are you a person who responds to jokes you don't find humorous????Just by pretending what do you get in the long run??

Ignore it

2009-02-16T23:48:00.002+08:00

I'm currently not in a mood of deleting posts and previous entries.When I can find any time to past then I shall amend my password and start blogging again.Ignore the previous post.

2009-02-16T18:06:00.002+08:00

Hello Pei Zhen!
I've decided to hack your account!
Hahaha. Justkidding!
Can I blog in your blog too?

**You know who am I. So keep your mouth Shut.
**Text me if you want to confirm who am I
**This secret is between you and me.
So,
Shaddap.

Au Revoir, peepps.

*Winks*

The_Anonymous

Light and Easy

2009-02-09T01:00:00.002+08:00

I had spend almost a decade of my life in Sri Lethia.I left the school with memories to cherish and ponder once in a while.It still brought tears to my eyes every time I thought about it.It was rather difficult saying goodbye and at the same time withdrawing your loyalty and spirit for the school to another school you'd never envision you'll fit in.Five years come and go in a blink of eyes and I vow I'd never regret for my decision five years back.

I had embark on a journey towards a new chapter of my life.A chapter that I'd no intention of neither closing nor concluding it without any exciting things happening.I'm starting to learn how to take some things more lightly or in a more easy manner.I had try not to do excessive exaggeration or posses frequent panic attacks.I'd learn not to be so cynical and be more modest in life.All these years,I'd also learn that possessions are not all that matters.

How do I ???

2009-02-07T14:50:00.002+08:00

All of a sudden I'm just out of words.I start pressing my fingers down gently on the keyboard then tapping the Backspace button gently again.What's wrong with me??Perhaps words tied.Is there such word by the way???

Stop!!!

2009-01-27T01:05:00.002+08:00

Hey!!!Its 2.00 a.m by the way.My fingers are still striding gracefully across the keyboard. My brother had been asleep for quite some time.I'm not really sleepy yet so I thought I'll pay a visit to my blog.School's awesome and we're still in the midst of our Chinese New Year break.

Just out of the sudden,I feel like I should stop trying so hard. One thing that distinguishes me from any other person is that I don't and will never feel discourage so easily.I work hard into chasing my dreams and pour every single effort in accomplishing them.But sometimes I get so knocked out and exhausted and feel like I should just stop trying so hard and act according to the situation.But I follow my instincts so much that I'm so persistent and stubborn to revamp what I'm doing.Of course,I absolutely love what I'm doing right now:-studies,tennis and swimming.Sometimes I feel that its artificial and I don't really have that talent.Take tennis for example-I'm very aware I don't really have this sport genes and no matter how much I try I won't go far.But I kept on trying and I feel like right now I just need to STOP!!!

As in really STOP!!!I'll reconsider about playing competitive tennis and maybe I should just stick to swimming after all.

HAPPY CHINESE 'NIU' YEAR EVERYONE!!!!

Elated

2009-01-17T19:02:00.005+08:00

How would you feel when you have a cousin who flew back all the way from Australia just to unite with you??? It might seem like a joyous news to everyone but to me I don't feel an inch elated or enthusiastic about it.Her presence doesn't bother me a bit.My life revolves as scheduled:-I go to school,come back,take my bath and eat.On the contrary, my brother was extra jubilant when he heard she was coming down to visit.He did something like a mini countdown every night before he went to bed.Peculiar right.

During the younger days of my life,I used to be very close with her.We were almost inseparable whenever she comes and visits.I grew , she grew.People changes.That's a fact.Maybe its also partly due to the fact of our age gap.She grew and started becoming closer to my brother instead of me.

However I'm really adamant that a time will come where she'll grow and our relationship might progress into a much excellent and satisfying state.But there's one thing I get very elated every time she visits:-I get to use all her cool gadgets.

Not Really

2009-01-13T14:12:00.002+08:00

If you were to count and total up the number of mere acquaintances I'd known, you'll be weary and out breath once you get your job done.However if you were about to count the number of super super very very close acquaintances I had, you'll just get it done within seconds.I'm adamant that I knew myself better than anyone does.I choose my friends.It doesn't mean that I'll rather hang out with someone whose parents are wealthier or a person who is smarter.Till now I find it rather difficult to communicate with everyone or in simple words I don't feel comfortable with everyone.

Honestly speaking ,I went through six years of primary schooling with only one friend and that particular person was my best friend.So its kind of hard for both of us to accept the fact when each of us went to a different path.That's not my point.My point is I still find it very impossible to detach with someone so close to me after undergoing a very concrete relationship.

Buddhism

2009-01-09T23:02:00.001+08:00

Look I've got completely no intention of transforming my blog into becoming a site for spreading Buddhism.As long as I can recalled,I had never mentioned anything about my religion in the past.Few minutes ago,I was just browsing through some pro Buddhist website and peruse through some really inspiring articles.I might seem to everyone even my friends to be a very normal Buddhist-a Buddhist who doesn't visits the temple regularly,a Buddhist who doesn't know where Gautama was born.Even it would not be a surprise if I tell you that my parents were not aware of how much Buddhism articles I'd read.

Frankly I can tell you that I'm not really familiar with Mandarin and Kantonis.So that leaves me with English.The problem is you can barely find any Buddhist books written in English here in Klang Valley.Its rather difficult.You can find tonnes of those in Kuala Lumpur but tell me how often you visit the temples there.Its my bad too as I can't decipher Mandarin.

I'm in opinion of that a true and sacred Buddhist is not the one who visits the shrine regularly,holding an incense and bowing down to the Buddha statues but rather the one that practices noble qualities in their everyday life.You don't need to visit the temple to be a good Buddhist.As long as you keep on practicing good and noble values in your life you'll always be a great person in Buddha's list.

I believe in Karma and I believe that every action you do today will affect you later on in your life.I feel so serene in front of the altar and the burning incense never fails to comfort me.

I'm or I'm not

2009-01-07T15:49:00.002+08:00

I was swirling and dancing across my room with a black velvet dress.It was my first time wearing the dress after getting it from Miss Selfridge a year ago.Though the tight bodice suffocated me ,I made zero attempt in removing the attire.I reflected myself for the very last time and nodded for agreement.I grabbed my miniature handbag and stuffed my cell phone inside.Minutes later I found myself staring at someone so familiar.She craned her neck and both of us gawked in disbelief.

"Oh my gosh.You look totally as in totally different"
"Yeah you too".

We clung hands and walked into the Japanese.The lavish interior made both of us gasped and there were familiar murmurs that were getting clearer as we made our way in.There we were greeted by almost everyone we knew.

The incident aforementioned clearly described the happening of a class reunion.Its been years since we'd parted and each of us went to a different path.All of a sudden this whole event flashes back to me.I felt vulnerable thinking about the times we bid goodbye and comforting each other that we'll kept in touch.After all,Sri Lethia once seemed like a second home to me.I spent almost a decade there and as a person with feelings I still felt the lost.

I'm getting emotional day by day.

2009-01-04T21:30:00.002+08:00

I haven't been holding a pen for like months.School commences tomorrow which means that depression is about to kick in anytime.Hahah.I'm just joking.Seriously honestly I'm not ready for school.Few weeks back I was so enthusiastic to go back to school because SCHOOL=FRIENDS.
But right now after meeting up with Ivy, Yenn and Rhenu recently,I'm not really looking forward to school tomorrow.Its going to be a hectic year ahead.I bet tomorrow going to be a very sleepy day for everyone.

A quiet one

2008-12-31T21:10:00.003+08:00

So yeah!!I guess right now there must be a lot of people partying out there and having the time of their life.New Year this year is going to be a quiet one in fact every year its very dreary and slow moving.My whole family does not make a big deal out of all this celebration.Worst part is my dad has gone back to Penang for some business matters.

Though the dreariness of this whole thing doesn't bother me a bit,I am still quite disturb.I don't know.Something is bothering me and I don't know what.Maybe I'm scared after all.I just can't see the logic behind all my tangle thoughts.

2008 HAS been a great year.In a matter of time I'll be writing 2008 HAD been a great year.Maybe I'm just scared to leave all those memories behind.I'd been losing a lot.Don't get me wrong:-not in love or relationships.I'm a person with very stern principals in which I do not get myself involve into any serious relationships until I finish high school.

I will never in a thousand years expected that 2008 will turn out well.From being placed in a class with completely zero closed acquaintances to losing the MSSD tennis, 2008 indeed turns out to be a miracle.The best gift that God had given me is blessing me with three beautiful friends.You wouldn't know how much they meant to me.Tell me how many friends out there will tolerate a friend who kept on rambling about her insomnia or depression.Ivy and Yenn listened to me every morning.How many friend will get all anxious and nervous when you're late for exam??Rhenu did.

For me to express all this to them in proper sentences right in front of them is definitely impossible.I'm not very dramatic.But right here I can tell you honestly from the bottom of my heart that you guys have been the greatest gift that God had given to me.There were times I still doubt your presence in my life but I'd gotten over it.To string all this in a sentence I reckon I'll fumble maybe a mixture of trembling lips and slobber all over my mouth.Gross right it sounds.So don't make me confess in front of you guys.Ivy,Rhenu and Yenn I knew no matter what happen in future we're still be 'THE WORLD'S GREATEST FOURSOME' because I still want to chortle loudly.As in LAUGH OUT VERY LOUDLY.

'HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE'.

p/s:I might be considering to shut down my blog depending on the feed backs I get because I feel my real journey is just taking off.

Serene and tranquil

2008-12-28T20:10:00.002+08:00

Look, a week before going to Pangkor I recalled very strongly that I ranted on several issues such as insomnia,bloating and etc.Now that I'm back I can safely tell you that my disorders are not due to anxiety but PMS.

Moving on, I still can't get over it.Get over with the soothing and calm waves and the serenity of the resort.The lush manicured lawns and the grassy scent sometimes still blew me away and I wished a thousand times I was there.I'd never stopped thinking ever since the holiday took off.A visit to an island was just a perfect escape from all my preposterous,superstitious and hypochondriac thoughts.

I would never in a thousand years dare to admit that I'm a country girl or a nature lover but deep down I'm beginning to plant a serious hatred towards all this buzzing and hectic city life.I can have a garden at my house or maybe a small nursery but I knew for sure that it was just a temporary escape because the moment I spin around I see another car zooming past.

Different people got different perceptions on where they choose to retire.But I can assure you I will definitely retire in a place with sandy and beautiful beaches.And Pangkor might be one of my many options only if I'm penniless even to fly out of Malaysia.

I missed sunbathing,having buffet for three main meals,dipping myself into the salty sea water,sleeping at the beach.I was thinking of going back there the coming holiday-March right I guess.

Pangkor Island Beach Resort

2008-12-27T11:55:00.022+08:00

Peacock
That's me taking the final slug of wine

Orange juice-vital for breakfast

Sunset

Dutch Fort

Serene view outside our room

That's me sunbathing

I'd been thinking a lot lately. 3 days escape to an island was just a perfect getaway to calm my nerves.Now that I'm back,I'd got completely different perspectives on what I see things.I used to love hanging out in malls but now I don't.I don't know.Maybe it's just the aftermath of visiting a place with no malls,meagre cars and zero pollution.Though I hope I'll get over it soon.

I'm Back

2008-12-26T23:11:00.002+08:00

Hey all,I'm back!!!!Everything been great and moving according to my plan.I'd the time of my life in Pangkor.Really enjoy myself and wish to be back there again.I'll be posting an excerpt of my wonderful trip tomorrow together with some pictures.Stay tune.

Wish me luck!!

2008-12-21T21:54:00.002+08:00

I'm off to Pangkor Island tomorrow and God willing will be staying in one of the most prestigious and lavish resort right there-Pangkor Island Beach Resort.Right now I just hope and pray hard that I don't get my menses. And wish me luck in sleeping tonight.I'll be back in three days time.Till then.

Love,
Zhen

Anxiety or sleeping too much????

2008-12-20T12:13:00.003+08:00

I reached for the torchlight and flicked it . I glanced at the clock.Its 4.35a.m.I was wondering "What am I suppose to do at this time??". The answer was easy.I was supposed to be sleeping or at least try to sleep but I made no efforts in accomplishing both.I heaved a loud sigh of annoyance.My back is sore and my stomach is not giving way.I tossed and turned.I woke up,stretched my sore body and then revert back to trying to sleep.All my efforts were in vain.Minutes later I forced myself to get up and on the air-condition.I wrestled with my pillow for a few minutes before I snoozed off.

The next morning,I woke up hoping that I'd at least slept for 5 hours.I opened my eyes and Ta-Da.Man its only 9.10a.m.I'd been sleeping for like four hours only.I reverted back to sleeping but the sore of my body was not giving way.After much tossing and turning,I pulled my duvet aside and made my way to the next room where my brother was already busy playing his computer.I tried sleeping in the other room hoping that a different environment will at least make me sleep.No way!!!

My next intention was to head down the kitchen to get something to bite.When I maneuvered my way out of the room,I felt so dizzy.I made my way back to my room and without further hesitation,I landed on my bed,closed my eyes,shut my thoughts and again I fell into a deep sleep.

On the other hand,I reckoned I napped too much in the afternoon.I slept for approximately 2 hours in that afternoon.

Now the question is "Is it anxiety or sleeping too much"?

I can't go through another night without sleeping.I intend to pop a Panadol before I go to bed tonight.

For those of you out there that have the same problem feel free to share your miseries with me.

Breakfast-a crucial meal

2008-12-17T21:09:00.005+08:00

"Eat a queen's breakfast,a middle-man's lunch and a beggar's dinner."

As the saying goes,breakfast is one of the most important meal of the day in fact I would say the most important of all. In today's entry I would like to point out some facts to fellow readers of my blog on how vital having breakfast is.

1.Eating breakfast lessen the chances to get obesity

I am indeed aware that many adolescents today are very conscious about their weight.Many I known are trying their level best to stay in tip-top condition.

My advice to you:Don't take breakfast

2.Healthier heart

Indeed everybody wants and yearns for a healthy heart.Breakfast does all the magic.

3.Fatigue

If you are one of those people who never stop yawning,the chances of your fatigues might be due to not taking breakfast.

4.Gastric

5.Lose all the important nutrients=ANOREXIC

Last resort to suicide

There were several occasions when I questioned some of my close buddies in a serious tone asking them why they don't take their breakfast.And the feedback I get didn't really astonish me much.Some complained that they'll acquire symptoms like nausea,vomiting,and stomachache . But I can assure you ,if you're a person who practices taking your breakfast since young all this problems would not arise.

Confession

2008-12-16T12:51:00.000+08:00

Alright its confession time.

I'm not going to Mumbai and I've got zero plans of going there.

The truth is I'm going to Pangkor Island.

I really and trully wish and hope that I'll enjoy myself out there.Wish me luck!!!

Thats why I'm so anxious.Ok I'm insane.Hey anxiety is one of the symptoms of PMS.

Ok.I'm not going to think about it anymore.

With love,
Pei

Lactose intolerance

2008-12-15T21:33:00.000+08:00

I seem to be very passionate about milk.I don't know why.I tend to peruse up milk a lot nowadays.Milk fascinates me.If you ask me why??My answer will be 'I don't know.It's just natural'.I did milk for my EST presentation.Whenever I'm in a pharmacy or clinic,I tend to look up more on the nutrition section and the debate on whether milk is good for us always made the front page.

But the funny thing here is.'I DON'T AND WILL NEVER DRINK MILK'.I tend to look at the adverse effects of milk rather than the advantages it bring for our health.Alright a fact still remains a fact and though I hate to admit it,its still a fact.'I'M LACTOSE INTOLERANCE'.

Hahah.Now you know why I dislike milk.Of course milk does contributes largely in providing calcium to our body.But did anyone of you here look at the more ugly side of drinking milk.I call it nature,people just tend to look at the brighter side of something.For instance just take pork.It seems so sumptuous when its cook and serve to you with all those culinary skills.But do you know how much harm it brings us???No doubt I do take pork.If not you're not a Chinese.But I try to consume less.My dad don't take pork for like years maybe a decade.

Back to milk.Alright here I go again.I started drinking milk again last Thursday to confirm whether I'm really lactose intolerance. I don't know whether its due to the fact that Farmhouse milk got more lactose compared to other brands.Two days later, gosh my stomach started bloating and I got bad flatulence.I'm looking like a 6 month pregnant woman now.

Is it because of PMS??I doubt because I don't usually get bloating as PMS.Or is it because of anxiety????

I googled bloating and one of the causes are anxiety.I think I'm just too extravagant jubilant because I'm going to Mumbai.Is it because of that or is it PMS???

Anyway I don't really think I'm having insomnia.Its just partly due to anxiety also.I guess.Because insomnia meant you have difficulty falling asleep.I can sleep but I tend to wake up feeling very excited and this eventually deters me from dissolving in again.

I'm definitely a hypochondriac.I don't give a damn thing about anything from now on.I'm just going to sleep my way off.

Hey or maybe the bloating can be cause for my frequent skipping of breakfast.

Help me someone!!!!